I’ve been moved today by the sorry tale of social networking site, ‘Beautifulpeople.com’, which has been hit by the (brilliantly named) ‘Shrek’ virus. The site, as you may have guessed, is for a very select membership. Those wanting to sign up have to pass a rigorous screening process, where existing members vote on whether or not new candidates are good-looking enough to join.
It’s like the playground times a million. And if – oh bliss! – you did make it – just imagine the meaningful, life-affirming community waiting to embrace you.
Brilliantly however, the ‘Shrek’ virus has crashed the screening process, allowing for some 30,000 normal looking people to join. Thankfully, they have since been banished from Planet Perfect and are now awaiting therapy to try and discover what made them apply in the first place.
Managing director Chris Hodge comments: ‘We have sincere regret for the unfortunate people who were wrongly admitted to the site and who believed, albeit for a short while, that they were beautiful.’
In response, I’m thinking of adopting a screening policy for ‘A New Name’. I’m not sure what the criteria will be, but possibly, ‘anti-cool’ and ‘unsorted’. Strapline, ‘I’m messed-up, you’re messed-up. Let’s share the love’.
This is not a blog for beautiful people. Or even ‘normal’ people. If you want to to knit your own sushi and puree goji berries, then you don’t belong here. If you are successful, you should leave. If your house features ‘shabby chic’ or you seek ‘authentic’ holiday ‘experiences’, then get your coat. Go read French Vogue with your beautiful husband and spotless linen. When you need us, we’ll be on the (stained) sofa with some nachos.
Oh no, I was thinking of growing my own goiji berries as a cold remedy.
Bu please can I still stay?
Ok. But only because your loveliness outweighs GoijiGate..
If I knit things other than sushi can I stay?
Well, ok Beckie – bit if you start crocheting tofu, we need to think about where this relationship is heading.
You’ve probably spotted this is less about sushi and more about my own insecurities. I have deep-seated knitter envy. It’s the same as with driving – I can do straight lines, but the whole cast-on, cast-off, 82 pt turns/dernier wool thing brings me out in a sweat. Also a throwback to granny dressing me in orange mohair. So apologies to all you knittees. It’s not you, it’s me..
Orange mohair is enough to bring anyone out in a sweat! I like to think I’m redeeming knitting by knitting bearable non-nasty things. I’ll keep away from the tofu though :-)
Hmmm….nachos!