Dug myself into a right old hole today and am only just surfacing now. Woke up feeling out of sorts, like I’d bruise if someone looked at me. Instead of fighting it, I flung myself at an old flame: self-pity. I know he’s a jerk, – but there’s something about a bad boy. You know he’s gonna hurt you, but you can’t stop going back.
Except that you can. Stop, I mean. It’s not easy: breaking old routines, challenging familiar lies. Refusing to cast yourself in certain roles. Victim, idiot, addict, loser. Your tags will be different to mine – but we’ve all got them. Maybe they were given to you by other people. Maybe you scrawled them on yourself. In some ways, it doesn’t really matter. What matters is what you do with them now. The ways that they shape the way you live and think, in the present.
I’ve been thinking about 2 Cor 5:17: ‘I am a new creation in Christ’. It’s a nice-sounding verse, but can I really believe it? Is it actually true?
If it is, then everything is utterly changed. I’m not enslaved to certain behaviours, or the legacy of the past. I’m not my experiences or my family or my friends. I’m not my achievements or my failures. I’m not my scars or my sins. In Christ – and that’s the most important bit – in Christ, I am a new creation.
It’s tea-time now and I’ve been in a stonking funk all day. I’ve blamed it on on all sorts of things – sickness, deadlines, everyday worries. But thinking about this verse, I realise that it was a choice I made, to believe my version of life rather than His. In Him, every second is a new beginning, brimming with possibility and most of all, hope. It’s scary – but it’s never too late to become what we already are.