Sex.
Yep, said it.
Sex sex sexy sex sex. See how relaxed I am about this issue? (Changes tone from squeaky to deep). That’s because, like everyone else, I have found physical intimacy to be a wonderful and easy part of marriage. Natural. Simple. Cosmic union of body and soul; just like in the movies. Except like, more profound. This ole negligee – hey baby, I just threw it on.
Sorry, having problems typing round my expanding nose.
Where was I? Yeah.
Glen’s written a great post on the same topic, so I thought I’d add my tuppence-worth.
When it’s cold, I don’t feel like wafting around in my underwear. I like Big Pants, I cannot lie.
I don’t wake up feeling sexy and spontaneous. I wake up feeling grumpy and sleep-deprived.
Also, (breaking news) I’ve got a fair few body hang-ups. I’m not an hour-glass. I don’t run through sprinklers and I’d rather read Heidi than Fifty Shades of Submission. If sex is like they show on the films, just like if being a woman is what they say in the magazines, then count me out. Because I don’t buy it. Here’s what I’m told:
– it’s no big deal, just a bit of slap and tickle.
But that’s simply not true.
It’s scary to be close to someone – physically and emotionally. Intimacy brings you face to face with all sorts of big issues. What it means to be a woman or a man. Your desires. One or both of you may have baggage from previous relationships or experiences. You’re also dealing with a mass of expectation – cultural and personal. It’s being naked – exposed – in front of another person. It brings you squarely in front of yourself – no more ducking out of changing rooms or baggy clothes or making jokes. That’s powerful and hopeful and immensely liberating. But it ain’t always easy.
Jesus knows this. He promises to be with us and to help us in all of our struggles. That means there’s nothing we can’t bring to him and no area of life or marriage that is off-limits.
Now, let’s never speak of this again.
Nicely put, Emma – it’s all about intimacy. As one modern verse put it, ‘if I can love you, why can’t I touch you?’ (love here,meaning sex). Anything worth doing well between us involves a form of connection which is costly because it means genuinely giving of ourselves, and that’s something we usually run from because (experience often shows) we’ll get painfully hurt. Only genuine love makes a difference.
“no area of life or marriage that is off-limits” AMEN!
Everything else we share with a spouse we can actually find outside marriage without sinning: friendship, fun, conversation, understanding, etc. But in this one area we are bound to find fulfillment with only one other person. Add to this all the baggage we drag in that we sometimes don’t even know about. Dan Allender calls this a “crowd” that follows us all into what should be a most private place, the marriage bed. False teachings, body shame, pornography, past abuse, promiscuity, they all have voices and do their best to shout down the love song we should be hearing. Allender says there will be no peace until we throw out the “crowd” by dealing with them and not ignoring them.
You can dissociate into a “good” sex life, but it takes vulnerability and love (Christ’s love) to find that healing intimacy that paints the picture of Christ and his church.
Just read Glens post. You guys are going to love Mike Mason (if you haven’t already found him). After “The Mystery of Marriage” try “Practicing the presence of people”
The Mystery of Marriage landed on my doorstep today! Will let you know how I get on..
Really helpful! Something that is needed to be spoken about, sex after marriage, there’s more talk about sex before marriage.
Good point – why do you think that is?