Life’s too short to live on the margins, right?
I want it all!.. NOW. Or just forget the whole thing.
I’m a winner! Number one! … or I’m nothing.
I’m a victim!…or it’s all my fault.
This is how my mind naturally operates.
From reverse (itsalltoomuchIcan’tcope) to fastforward (gogogodoityourselfandyouknowitsdoneproper)
Extremes feel good. But here’s where such thinking can take us:
Starving and stuffing (too much versus too little).
OCD (control everything and stick to the routines or Something Terrible Will Happen).
Depression (I’m not sick I’m ‘lazy’…there’s no help and no hope and it’s all my fault – so I may as well give up).
Anxiety and panic attacks (if X happens it will inevitably lead to Y and then I’ll feel this and then this will happen and ohmygoodness I can’t breathe).
Self-harm (keep it in, keep it in, keep it in …ohh I’m overwhelmed, must get rid of these feelings, only one thing will help)
Middle ground. It’s sticky and uncomfortable and it feels …wrong. But it’s also the place where truth and grace can coexist. And I reckon it’s the place where you do recovery too.
the little steps that add up.
Letting others in. Speaking to one person. I’m finding things difficult. Can we talk?
Making one change.
Instead of cutting myself, I’m going to go for a walk.
Today, I’ll get dressed.
One meal where I won’t make myself sick.
I’ll make an appointment to see the GP. I’ll write down what I want to say. And I’ll take a friend so I don’t back out.
I’ll leave the house without double-checking the locks.
Forget monochrome thinking. It’s a new season, and colour, my friends, is IN. But don’t panic.
Colour is where we’re aiming. A new life that’s vibrant and exciting and risky and bold. But that’s an awfully big jump from black and white. So, just for today – let’s start with the greys.