How’s it going? So good to have you as part of the fellowship here. It’s a lovely group, isn’t it? Proper believers. I expect that’s a little different to what you’ve been used to: I’m not saying St Stefan’s was bad. But here – well, we’re serious about our faith. Which is why I wondered if I could have a quick word.
Don’t mishear me, bro – your heart’s in the right place. Bible believing, involved in evangelism, prayerful and a home group leader to boot. Essentials of course. But salvation’s a serious business. You don’t want to just cross the line into the kingdom: you want to be sure of your place. Here at Swithins, we go the extra mile. Which is why I need to check if you’re wearing your Christian pants. Yes, pants: but not from M+S. No, no I’m talking about underwear for the spiritual elite. Knitted by virgins and prayed for by bishops. The only way to be 100 per cent sure you’re saved.
Listen – no need to be like that. You’re doing your best: no-one’s calling that into question. But face it, the gospel’s not just about Trust. It’s not a passive thing, where we sit back and Jesus does the work: that would be ridiculous! No – the gospel is about Trying. And we know you’re trying if you get the pants. Yes- they’re hard to get hold of, (figleaves.com is your best bet). Pricey too. But mate – worth every penny. Bill and Marge have got them. Brian too – and he’s an elder.
Anyway, I’ll leave it with you. Just a thought. I’m not saying it’s the gospel itself. Not exactly. But if you’re serious about your faith, if you want to make absolutely sure you’re saved, then it’s the only way to be sure.
Jesus is not enough bro – I’m talking pants.