The Weight of Waiting

By February 17, 2013 Blog

I hate waiting.  Waiting for buses.  Waiting for appointments.  Waiting for news.  Nothing good happens in waiting rooms -they’re grey and airless,  the carpet smells of wee and there’s a draft  from the life that’s charging past the door and leaving me for dust. Sometimes, a little wait is bearable.  Cinema queues for example.  I’m slightly late but with any luck I’ll miss the mobile phone ads (and be sat behind someone with a tiny, tiny head). Count to ten …Read More

Can We Skip The 14th?

By February 14, 2013 Blog

Does anyone – ANYONE – like Valentine’s Day? My plan was to ignore it.  But It has come to me. Fliers from the  curry house. ‘Free roses with every balti’. ’80s Love fever’ c/o the local pub. heart-shaped cushions and cookie-cutters from Lakeland. And then I toddled unwittingly into the lovechild of  Disney and David Lynch – aka Sainsburys. Balloons,overpriced roses, chocolates, champagne, (edible) underwear, cuddly toys. Love songs on loop and ‘poetry’ that makes me want to hunt down …Read More

Some Thoughts On Recovery

By February 13, 2013 Blog

It’s National Eating Disorder awareness week. Here’s some things I’m learning; 1. Don’t do it alone For me, recovery started when I began opening up to others.  I wanted to get better on my own, but I just couldn’t do it.  I needed other people to support me and help me say no to things that I couldn’t fight alone. I needed them to eat with me and keep me company as I regained weight.  I needed them to talk …Read More

The Fight of Your Life

By February 12, 2013 Blog

This is Eating Disorder Awareness Week.  1.6 million people in Britain are affected.  But they’re so much more than statistics, as Hannah reminds us:     Click here for more information,  including places that help.   Share…FacebookTwitterTumblrPinterestGoogle+StumbleUponDiggemail

Careful What You Wish For

By February 11, 2013 Blog

As a child, I read about geniis who would grant their masters three wishes.  But I only wanted one.  Beauty, I would whisper, give me beauty. I’ve always been afraid of – and fascinated by –  ‘glossy girls’.  Proper ladies, who don’t smell of soup.  Women, not wannabes. The kind who weep delicate pear-shaped tears, instead of honking great rivulets of snotty mascara. Who drive men to distraction and lesser mortals to sugar.  Confident and poised, with shiny, swingy hair and matching …Read More

Taxi for Scrivener

By February 10, 2013 Blog

For many people,  social exchanges are an easy and natural part of life. I am not one of these people. 2 situations, both of which ought to have been simple. 1. broken boiler Glen’s been away and the heating broke so I phoned for backup. I was hoping for a Santa/Gandalf combo with a spanner; nice, unthreatening and with a bit of luck, deaf, (no need for awkward small talk). But the guy at the door was beardless and could …Read More

Two Sides, Same Story

By February 8, 2013 Blog

Two people.  Same situation.  A doctor’s waiting room.  He’s running late. The first sits quietly. Listens to the silence, the hum of the heater. Good to get those pains checked out – probably nothing, but best to be sure. A queue of course – but we’re in the same boat, and anyway, it’s nothing urgent.  What’s an extra fifteen minutes? It’s warm; and there are magazines. A chance to stop and draw breath in the busyness of the day. .. The second …Read More

Dealing with Difficult Folks*

By February 7, 2013 Blog

Some People are like duvets.  Soft and inviting and warm and easy. Others are wrapped in barbed-wire and electric-fencing.   You try to cut it, but it cuts you. You make contact and are blown backwards. The voltage of their anger. Their pain.  The isolation that says ‘Keep Off’. For years I clawed at those who tried to come close.   I ran from relationships and fought –  tooth and fork –  to defend my space.    My fears.  My …Read More

The Box of Scareyness

By February 6, 2013 Blog

Longing to be Useful Not Living up to Expectations Letting People Down Lack of Direction Winning but Still Feeling Like A Loser Not In Charge Needing to Change but Not Wanting To Being Weak but Pretending to be Strong Trying To Please Everyone Finding A Balance The Best is Behind Short Of The Mark Sick But Not Sick Enough Acting Fine Feeling Scared Scared of Silence God For The Deserving   Now  Close the Box.   Useful Eph 2:10: For we …Read More

Soul Hunger

By February 5, 2013 Blog

Eating disorders are culturally driven. And they don’t recognise traditional divides. But in my experience at least, they’re also a massive, massive issue for women in the church. Why? Perhaps churches, like EDs, attract certain kinds of person. Sensitive, insecure.  Folks with high standards in all areas of life – including morality. Good girls who keep the rules and see life in black and white. Women unlikely to embrace more obvious forms of rebellion…or who feel the need to keep certain emotions …Read More