1. plan together what you’ll say when asked ‘why don’t you have kids?’
2. work out together who you’re going to tell and how much. It can be great to be prayed for, but that might mean just a few close friends.
3. love each other and work as a team. In all the hoo-ha of baby planning/making, it’s easy to lose sight of the fact you actually like your partner. Recognise that you might deal with stress etc in different ways: this doesn’t mean that one person is hurting more/stronger etc than the other. Pray for each other. Remind one another of the gospel: you are not alone. And recognise that this is really hard – it’s okay to feel stressed and it’s okay to ask for outside help if you need it.
4. Remember – there’s a big difference between self-pity and grief. One points us inward and brings us despair; the other to Jesus – a hope that won’t be shaken. Even in this sadness, look for the things that you can thank God for.
5. Don’t feel bad about avoiding certain gatherings (e.g; baby showers), but don’t isolate yourselves. If you’re going to an event you find difficult, devise an exit plan – maybe stay for a short time or do something fun afterwards. If you’re buying gifts for a friend’s child, choose something simple like a book or gift certificate, so you don’t have to go to baby shops.
6. If you decide to have treatment, talk in advance about what you’re comfortable doing. For example: how long you’re willing to try, treatments you don’t want, what your goal is and how much you are able/willing to pay.
7. Cultivate friendships with people at different life stages: singles, older folks, etc. We all want things we don’t have and we can help each other.
8. Don’t beat yourself up. Stuff like ‘I left it too late’, ‘I should never have had X’ etc etc. The past is forgiven: nailed to the cross.
9. stay AWAY from mumsnet, babyphotos.com, etc – unless you know of good sites that will build you up and keep you focused on what matters.
10. Remember Christ is your hope: not a baby. He will never leave you.