Yesterday I was thinking about how to move past the past. I mentioned a post by a friend who struggles with porn addiction – and his remorse, especially towards his wife. It’s one thing being sorry for your own mistakes. But how does knowing the gospel help those who’ve been hurt to step forward too?
His wife writes this:
I can also be very disorganized, selfish, tardy and tend to put myself first. I also consider myself an “addict” as well as my husband. My dysfunctional life is for sure MUCH harder when I am giving into my “addiction” and caught up in it’s iron grip. Who pays? Me, my kids, my husband, and anyone else I’ve committed myself to. Just like a sex addict, others pay too.
My road is a bit harder to lay out because my addiction is harder to define. Not so many tidy support groups or workbooks. My escapist behaviors are extremely versatile and so familiar to most people that I find myself actually encouraged to follow my particular addiction from many corners.
I am addicted to making life work on my own.
I am addicted to figuring out the very best way to get exactly what I want, even when I don’t know what that is!
You will find my problem in the book of Proverbs, but it’s not called addiction and it’s not called a disease. It’s called “foolishness”. When fighting my particular addiction I am a simpleton, fighting for scraps of wisdom, trying my best to flee the foolish ways of this world.
I have never tried my husbands drug of choice and see no attraction to it. But, I would be lying to say I don’t understand the magnetic draw to things that don’t work and never will work. I have felt the thrill and rush of adrenalin when finding a new book or program or idea that promised life with out wrinkles.
Whatever I’m lacking is within my reach:
How to Win Friends and Influence People
14 days to a brand new you
Latin for dummies
Organizing Made Simple
How to be a Domestic Goddess
Teach your Baby to read in 100 easy lessons
Affair Proof Your Marriage
How to Really Love Your Child
The 400 Calorie Fix
How to have a Negative Footprint, Carbon or Otherwise (this one’s not a real book, but it’s one I might write)
I seek information the way a drunk seeks booze. I am drawn to methods that guarantee results. I want to know.
Right now I’m on a quest to find the perfect Doctor. I’m looking for someone who can give me answers. I need to understand what’s going on with my body so I can fix it and make my life work the way I want it to.
I don’t want to humbly accept the kindness of my husband and parents and extended family. I don’t want to have to say “Thank you” to anyone. I want to be the one to say “You’re welcome! No problem! Glad to do it!”
If you don’t hear sinful compulsion, self sufficiency, driven-ness, and obsession in that, maybe we should start all start a new recovery movement together!
All addicts must trace the root of our sin to the desires of our hearts. For the heart is deceitful and desperately wicked. The recovering addict’s cry must be “Search me, Oh Lord! See if there be any wicked way in me!”