Doctor, Doctor

By February 18, 2014 Blog

Last weekend I spoke  at the Christian Medical Fellowship conference. I was giving trainee medics a sufferer’s perspective on eating disorders. I opened by saying I was scared of doctors. (I’m scared of many things; but doctors, large groups of women and clowns are the worst).They laughed.  And I said, ‘no, I really am scared of GPs.  Here’s why’. I talked through some of my experiences. And the fears that go with you into the surgery. “I’m not thin enough. …Read More

Picking Up The Pieces

By February 17, 2014 Blog

You know those days when your head’s too big for your body? There are too many thoughts open and they won’t shut down in fact, they’re breeding.  There’s a tiny speaker in your ear saying ‘EMERGENCY: EVACUATE’ except wait,  it’s your brain so you can’t get out. Well, that was Saturday. We had a follow-up appointment at the fertility clinic which admittedly, was not a great start. But I kept myself busy, (cleaned the fork drawer, took the stickers off the mandarin oranges, separated the …Read More

Share Yourself

By February 14, 2014 Blog

You’ve got the words to change a nation But you’re biting your tongue You’ve spent a life time stuck in silence Afraid that you’ll say something wrong If no one ever hears it how we gonna learn your song? So come on, come on Come on, come on You’ve got a heart as loud as lighting So why let your voice be tamed? Maybe we’re a little different There’s no need to be ashamed You’ve got the light to fight …Read More

The Creepy Intimacy We All Want

By February 13, 2014 Blog

‘The crowning ambition in my life is to be able to be with another person.  That’s all we all want.  We say we want world peace, but in truth we want to be totally exposed in front of someone who says, ‘Actually, you’re all right.’ The creepy intimacy of really knowing someone and them really knowing me…I would be incredibly sad if I got to the end of my days and didn’t have that.” (Sue Perkins, Interview with The Times, …Read More

Ways To Say I Love You (Without Buying A Card)

By February 12, 2014 Blog

Right.  Valentine’s.  We’re going to look at it very briefly and then never speak of it again. Think of it as pre-emptive strike: it’s too dangerous to wait till Friday. Love is not a matching set of bra and knickers or a plastic rose.  Nor is it the exclusive preserve of hot young lovers. It’s emptying the bins as much as a violins. And there are 364 other days in which to show it. So.  Here’s some ways to tell …Read More

I Got You Covered

By February 11, 2014 Blog

Shame is a blush that starts round your neck and spreads to your bones.  It silences you and shrinks you and stamps you like a stain. Shame is about exposure: being naked in front of others and them seeing you in all your ugliness and seeing all the things you want to hide. You want to say ‘it wasn’t me, wait – I didn’t do it’.  But you DID and you’re in the spotlight and everyone saw. So what do you do …Read More

Assurance, Not Insurance

By February 10, 2014 Blog

I’ve had an email today asking this: ‘can I be a Christian and still struggle with self harm?’ YES. Being a Christian does not protect you from feeling sad and numb and worried and lonely and scared and guilty and squashed. Being a Christian doesn’t stop you getting depressed or dementia or cancer or measles or bulimia. It doesn’t stop your house flooding or being burgled or repossessed.  It doesn’t stop your bullying or your abuse.  It doesn’t stop you …Read More

No Regrets

By February 6, 2014 Blog

If only… I’d asked for help earlier I’d been mentored when I was young I’d never got in that car I’d told them what was going on I’d kept my mouth shut I was smarter/better-looking/funnier/happier/nicer I’d had an older brother/a younger sister/different parents/been an only child I’d become a Christian sooner/later I’d got married/stayed single/married someone else I’d saved my money/breath/diary I’d worked harder/less I’d used protection My parents had used protection I could find a church/home group/university/work place/playgroup where …Read More

Unapologetic

By February 5, 2014 Blog

I’ve just sent an email that, if written about me (and it could have been), would have left me spitting blood. There’s a bit of me that’s howling at the keyboard and clawing at my own throat. But the other bit (which is bigger and louder), hit ‘send’. A church leader has asked me about a member of his congregation. She is extremely thin and getting thinner. She also serves in a number of public ways in the church. Lots …Read More

How To Be Free

By February 4, 2014 Blog

Great news dear reader. I have discovered How To Be Free. It’s in the Sunday Supplements. Oh, and the Internet. To save your tender eyeballs, I’ve done all the research for you.  Ready? The path to freedom is this: avoid relationships. Because freedom is about being in control, right? And relationships mean losing control – or sharing it at least.  No one wants that. Here’s some relationships that are sucking out your sweet freedom juice (links in brackets): Parents: Feeling screwed up? …Read More