1. I’m comfortable relying on others and having them rely on me. I have a wide range of friends and find it easy to get to know others.
2. I want to get close to people very quickly and I need their approval; but I find it hard to step back and others tend to find me very intense. I get hurt quickly and can’t understand why others don’t want me to be as close as I’d like.
3. Very independent. I’m very happy doing life on my own and whilst I’ve got friends, I keep them at a comfortable distance. I’d rather not depend on other people or have them rely on me. If I sense other people backing off, I’ll do it first.
4. I want to be closer to others but I’m scared. I don’t know how to act in friendships and find it hard to open up: I’m also worried that if they get to know me they’ll hurt me or back off. But I’m lonely and tired of pretending to be someone I’m not.
If you’re number one, then congratulations! You are a worthwhile and normal person. You have terrifying facebook updates and others count themselves lucky to have you as their friend. Keep being normal!
If you’re two, three or four, then You’re Weird. You Need To Change – but the bad news is, you probably can’t. You have Relational Problems and will probably never have a normal healthy relationship.
This is NONSENSE. I hope. Most of us are a mix of all four. For some folks, making friends comes easy. But even for the naturally gregarious, navigating relationships is also hard work. We learn to make friends and no-one gets it completely right. All of us have insecurities; all of us have let others down and been let down ourselves. There is not a line between normal and weird. And no-one has the Perfect Relationship: whether friend, partner or family. I don’t care how good they look at church!