Chances are, the bits you like least are the very parts that God can use most.
The soft heart that’s easily crushed.
The fears that turn you to prayer.
The grief that helps you comfort.
The weakness that looks to His strength.
Sparrow hearts, fluttering in our palms.
The least presentable.
These things we hide – sometimes, they’re what’s most real about us. And in God’s hands, they’re the most precious.
But these are the parts we’re tempted to squash – or take for granted.
Sometimes I feel I have a dirty secret – and the secret is me. I don’t want to be in the light because I hate what I might see.
Little things terrify me. Being out of control. New people. New places. Honesty. Vulnerability.
Why do I despise them? Because the enemy attacks the bits of us that are best and brightest.
A hunger for justice – that spills into anger.
The desire to bless – that becomes a need to be needed.
A quick wit – that crushes and cuts.
I’m ashamed and fearful and doubting and weak. I don’t want anyone to see it. So I put my head down and keep small and safe. I turn inwards. I listen to the lies.
Except that occasionally, I don’t.
Sometimes I step out. That’s when I’m most real. That’s what draws me to the community I fear.
This weekend I shared some of my experiences at a youth conference. I was interviewed beforehand, and they asked me why. Blinking into the lights, my first thought was, “good question. Why am I doing this?” But I knew the answer.
Stronger than the fear is the freedom that Christ has bought. And deeper than the shame, is the truth.
I’m a mess. But the the blood of Jesus is for me as well. And if He covers over me, He covers over you. I’d stake my life on it. Because He’s already staked His.
On the cross, the greatest wickedness became the most stunning redemption. But if you’d asked those Calvary bystanders, “do you see the beauty here?” they’d have thought the question in poor taste. As we follow Jesus, crosses become resurrections, shame becomes glory, the parts we despise are redeemed. What looks like weakness is turned to strength.
We reach across to others – because we see them limping too. We see in them the things we hate in ourselves: softness, the neediness, the feeling too much. But now, it looks different.
And now, more than we want safety, we want to say:
All I once thought gain I have counted loss
Spent and worthless now, compared to this
Knowing you, Jesus
Knowing you, there is no greater thing
You’re my all, you’re the best
You’re my joy, my righteousness
And I love you, Lord.
Copyright © 1993 Make Way Music,