– You say that you’re fine; but you know that you’re not
– You’ve said ‘I’ll get better’ but you’re just getting worse.
– Everything is terrible and it’s all your fault
– Acting recklessly or putting yourself in danger
– Forgetting to do big things that matter; like washing or eating
– Not being able to make sense of anything
– Finding basic tasks impossible
– Using drugs, alcohol or damaging activities to numb your pain
– Thinking people would be better off without you
– Repeatedly wanting to hurt others or yourself
– Being unable to make decisions
– Folks around you say that they’re worried
– Your relationships seem to be breaking down
– Overreacting to everything and everyone
– Cutting yourself off from others
– No-one else has any idea how you feel
– When you’ve tried and tried and can’t move forwards
– When you’re tired and hurting and lonely and afraid
In all of these situations:
You have a Father who loves you, a Son who has bought you, a Spirit who fills you and a church that will carry you.
Knowing this, we can dare to be weak. We can name our struggles. We can ask for help. And in His strength, we can move forwards.
Ah, but WHO to ask for help…there’s the real problem.
I have found reaching out to actual people for help is very much like digging the dark hole a few feet deeper. The ones you must ask, never have anything to share. Your request is even used against you, racking up evidence for what a drain you are to them. An opportunity for them to “practice good boundaries. ”
But oh what a comfort the Holy Spirit is to us in the darkness!
To Him we can ask for help and never be given the brush off.
If we really do need other “people”, He is faithful to send his own.
They will call, write, or drop by simply because HE told them to.
These followers of the Spirit do not hold it against you that you are needy, because they too have been rescued from that same deep pit. They send down a borrowed rope, well used and sturdy.
Oh Caroline – those are great words. I just opened up about my marriage problems at our hiysgroup meeting and no one said much. Someone tried to change the subject and the leader said she had to leave because she had indigestion!! I have never felt so alone.
Wow! The thanks for sharing silence. I am so sorry Wendy. But huge hugs to you for trying to be real. And you never know, it may have helped one of the silent ones, just to know someone else struggles.
I don’t know what a hiysgroup is, but it sounds like a group you were hoping was fairly safe? I dont know the nature of your marriage trials , but if you still feel the need for a safe place, click my name. Online connection is not the same as face to face, but it has the advantage of being 24/7.
prayers and hugs
xoxo,
caroline
Everything is terrible and it’s all your fault
Repeatedly wanting to hurt others or yourself
Overreacting to everything and everyone
… but I feel these things chronically, almost on a daily basis – oops. I just manage it sufficiently well, or at least I would like to think so – especially in regards to the hurting self part. Oops.
Yuppp, & then when I ask for help I get dissed, just cos I am functional enough to hold a job –
tsk! Thankfully, options/alternatives exist, and am thankful that I now have someone who would like to help me – only problem now being that I am inclined to parrot off the various reasons I’ve been told that I don’t need help (!!!) Which isn’t to my benefit, but urgh.
Here’s to trying again and trying to trust people … yikes (I sincerely believe the initial part will be um, damage control. Haha)
Hi Caroline , Wendy and Dee, I’m really sorry you’ve had such negative experiences with opening up. That’s very painful; but well done for reaching out and asking . Thank you for sharing your experiences here.
You’re right that we need to be discerning in who we share our burdens with, but we aren’t called to walk alone. As Christians we’re all needy and we point one another to Jesus.
“Carry each other’s burdens and in this way you will fulfil the law of Christ.” (Galatians 6:2)
Praying that you will find a taste of loving church community and healing for past hurts. x
Yes, by all means be discerning. Look for those walking with a limp, for God is close to the brokenhearted. Scars are good too. Look for scars.
I’m not meaning to be negative here at all! Community is God’s plan for the church’s problems. He doesn’t have another plan.
Just, sometimes he’s asking us to BE community, not go find it.
I realized I needed to become the safe refuge I craved. I have found the most incredible friendships with other women (something I’ve always had trouble with) by creating a space of safety and support for others who were weak and vulnerable just like me.
When we can say “Me too.” we validate each other’s humanity. If I can only say “Oh you poor thing!” then I am actually telling you I look down on you for needing help. By asking for myself, I’m saying its okay when you ask too.
Then, in spite of our particular weaknesses (which everyone has) , we are ALL free to practice and share our unique gifts with one another, there are no “professional” Christians.
Amen!