Lies about Recovery

By August 8, 2017 Blog

It might be an out and out addiction.  Or a habit that’s becoming something more. Either way, it’s got you – and here’s what it whispers… 1. I can’t do it.    – Yes you can.  But see point 2… 2. I can do it alone.  – You can’t – no-one can. 3. It’s gonna be easy.  – It may well be the hardest thing you’ve ever done…but also the most worthwhile.  Long-term, the alternative is much, much harder. 4. It’s …Read More

Battle Ready

By August 2, 2017 Blog

I’m nervous. There’s a big event approaching and I don’t feel up to it.  I’ve prepped and I’ve packed.  But as the minutes tick down, I pull out the big guns. A slash of lipstick. A mask of foundation. Concealer to hide my weakness. A cloak of expensive perfume. Painted talons and whitened fangs. Warpaint. And Now I’m ready. What’s your armour? What helps you, when you know you’re not enough? Perhaps it’s food. A wall between you and your …Read More

Living For The Weekend

By July 25, 2017 Blog

I’ve been talking with friends about the shape of “victory”.  And by victory, I mean moving forwards through different struggles … self-harm difficulties with singleness difficulties with marriage anger and shame eating disorders pornography anxiety …to name but a few. One issue that came up was, “When do you give up?  Is there a point where you say, “this is always going to be my issue and it’ll never go away so I may as well learn to live with …Read More

Living by Doubt

By July 20, 2017 Blog

Don’t listen to yourself. You are not the best judge of how you’re doing.  In fact, it’s most likely that you are the worst. I think, ‘I’m doing fine,” when I’m not.  I believe that I’m “hopeless and rubbish,” when I’m loved and chosen by God and filled by his Holy Spirit. I assume that, “I’ll never succeed so I’d better give up…” when true glory isn’t winning, but stepping out and stumbling on. There are a thousand reasons I …Read More

The Shape of Me: Guest Post

By July 11, 2017 Blog

Thanks so much to H for this brilliant guest post…   I am so, so caught with my appearance…I know this is only a symptom of deeper problems. Yet I just want to pause and ask the question, why am I so concerned with ‘the shape of me’? It is right to care how I present myself because I am not just my own person. Being concerned with ‘the shape of me’ is a desire that needs to be channelled, focused, redirected. I …Read More

Hot off the press

By July 10, 2017 Blog

Here’s a couple of articles I’ve written recently for Christianity and IDEA magazines. Thanks to these fab publications for letting me write – I really recommend them both. (Amaris – we will miss you!) One note – The IDEA feature was part of an issue on the theme of freedom.  They’ve called it, ‘How God set me free from an eating disorder’ – but my original title was ‘The shape of freedom’.  I think it fits the piece better (as it’s not simply about …Read More

And yet –

By July 4, 2017 Blog

The challenges I face are too much. “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” 2 Cor 12:9 I’m too scared. “I have not been given a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind.” 2 Tim 1:7. I’m rubbish. I’m done. I’m far too ashamed. “So now there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” Romans 8:1 I’ve got no-where to turn. ‘”I myself will tend my …Read More

The Antidote to Shame

By June 27, 2017 Blog

In Hebrew, the word for ‘shame’ goes beyond feeling embarrassed for yourself.  It’s about hoping in something foolish; (false gods are sometimes called “shame”). It’s the  anguish you feel when both you and the things in which you have trusted, are exposed. Idols are “things of shame” – false sources of confidence and identity. But their shame is contagious – they make us shameful too! Here’s the cycle: We go to shameful things to feel OK. They make us feel even more shameful, so …Read More

But I can’t DO it!

By June 23, 2017 Blog

“Do not worry”, says Jesus in the sermon on the mount (verse reference, Matthew 6:25-34). So we worry, (or at least, I do). We worry to start with, because that’s who we are. And then we read this verse … and worry MORE, because we’re disobeying God. Telling us not to do something only shows us how impossible it is to obey.  Like telling ourselves to “be purple”. No amount of willpower makes it better. So what do we do, when we can’t …Read More

Some thoughts on yesterday’s post…

By June 14, 2017 Blog

Yesterday’s post was entitled Grace versus Justice – but a lovely blog reader has (rightly) pulled me up on it; because they are not opposed. So along with the original post, I’ve added her comments, and tried to clarify with some of my own. Here’s what I’d originally written: … Justice arrives 45 minutes early, wearing a scowl.  Then she outstays her welcome by several years. Grace whisks you away for a weekend break. She’s arranged your babysitters and insists on paying. Justice hollers from the sidelines, …Read More