Image: Caleb Magnino This evening I’ve giving a testimonial-talk. Ten years ago, I spoke just around the corner on the same theme. But I’m hoping that the content will have changed.  And I’m praying that the person speaking would be unrecognisable to her old self. Ten years ago I was studying at Bible college and in the grip of an eating disorder that would almost kill me.  For a while I managed to hide my obsession. I threw myself into church activities, missions and teaching.    I gave talks about the gospel and wrote ... Read More

Can an addict ever be fully recovered? Are there some slaveries that will never fully recede, no matter how hard you fight them? Can your heart and thinking change as well as your behaviour? Or are you destined to remain  a non-practising version of the same old model? … Most of the literature I’ve read on addiction says this:  they never really go away – you just get better at managing them. For some people this is the rational voice of realism: a reminder that no-one is beyond temptation – especially in a familiar ... Read More

How do you help an addict? If you’re an addict, how do you help yourself? It’s easy to judge. It’s easy to justify. Is there a place that’s in-between? Can we go beyond the caricature? The tramp, sloshed on special brew? The teenage drunk, giddy with alcopops. Before we turn the lens on others, can we look at ourselves? –  if so, are we prepared for what we might see? A couple of glasses in the comfort of my own home.  A few beers with the lads.  Celebratory cocktails.  After-work drinks.  Mummy’s ... Read More

I’ve always been a ‘collector’.  Even when I was wee, I used to hoard  random items, shoring them up for a time when the world ran out.  There’s   safety in surplus.  My brain (and life) may be a mess, but those stacks  promise security, stability and solace. According to Paul Salkovskis, (professor of clinical psychology at Bath Uni), there are three categories of hoarder: 1. OCD hoarding. A quarter of hoarders fall into this group : they fear things could be contaminated and worry about contaminating others if ... Read More

Every town has them. The addicts. Drunk or high, often before breakfast.  Not to be harsh, but  - damaged goods.    They’ve made their choices – and now they’re reaping the consequences.  Step aside and leave them to it. Cardboard cut-outs of people, greying and familiar – yet alien too: hardly human. Watch how they act. Sometimes so still – silent and solitary, even in their packs. Bent double, hunched, crumpled and defeated.A blank-eyed, hundred-yard stare. What are they thinking? But get their fix and ... Read More

It’s traditional at Lent to give something up.  I haven’t done this – but have been thinking about the things in my life that overstep their boundaries. Top of the list is my mobile phone.  I panic when we’re separated. At night, I stroke it and fall asleep bathed in its warm neon glow.  It’s the first face that greets me in the morning, with a cheery puuuurrrrrrrrt puuuurrrrrrrrrrt and throughout the day, it flashes me reassurance – I’m loved, I’m important, I have a life. How did I cope ... Read More

The lie of addiction is this: I can stop any time I like. One day – not today of course – but soon, I’ll stop drinking.  I’ll start eating. I’ll stop binging. I’ll forsake those websites and delete those images. I’ll cut up the credit cards and walk past the bookies. When this happens, you tell yourself,  everything will return to “normal.” You’ll leave behind your old shameful self and begin afresh. Quick and painless. A new start, with no guilt, no recriminations and no consequences. Of course, this ... Read More

One of the hardest things about challenging an addiction is that in many cases, our culture actively encourages  them. Shopping. Sex. Booze. Eating disorders. It’s not just the behaviour itself that’s the problem.  It’s a mindset, a double-bind that teaches you two competing lessons: 1.  exercise self-control  (over everything ranging from appetite to biology) and 2.  indulge. (Drink green tea all week – then go on a Saturday night bender. Use those coupons – then blow the savings on a fish foot spa). Excess ... Read More

What’s the condition that doctors fear most? Cancer? AIDS?  According to a report by Time magazine, it’s actually this –  Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), perhaps better termed, ‘Emotional Intensity Disorder’. Marsha Linehan, one of the world’s leading experts on BPD, describes it as follows: ‘Borderline individuals are the psychological equivalent of third-degree-burn patients. They simply have, so to speak, no emotional skin. Even the slightest touch or movement can create immense ... Read More

The NHS issues about 40 million prescriptions a year to deal with depression.  That’s twice the number prescribed a decade ago. Recently I cornered a GP on this issue. I asked him if he felt that doctors generally were over-prescribing antidepressants. Without  blinking, he said yes. But he went on to say he had no choice. You see there’s 2 kinds of depression – one that you’re sort of born with (endogenous) and the other that is triggered by outside events (reactive).  Most of the cases he sees are reactive – ... Read More