Image: Caleb Magnino This evening I’ve giving a testimonial-talk. Ten years ago, I spoke just around the corner on the same theme. But I’m hoping that the content will have changed.  And I’m praying that the person speaking would be unrecognisable to her old self. Ten years ago I was studying at Bible college and in the grip of an eating disorder that would almost kill me.  For a while I managed to hide my obsession. I threw myself into church activities, missions and teaching.    I gave talks about the gospel and wrote ... Read More

What did you want to be when you grew up? A deep sea diver? A lumberjack or an air hostess? A footballer’s wife? I’ve always had one ambition: to write. I even had a pen name: Emma Swanne, (emphasis on the ‘e’). Friends inked their names on tables and jotters, but I hugged mine close, like a delicious secret. It was a talisman, a promise that one day I would Make It. Authors you see, weren’t like other people. They were mysterious and powerful. Controlled and shiny and polished and clean. Warriors, wielding words and protected by ... Read More

Recovery, at least in my experience, is not like in the movies. No running, arms outstretched, into the sunset. More of an embarrassed  and painful shuffling –  forwards (and sometimes backwards, too).     An event – but also a process. First, the event: a moment, when everything changed and Christ broke into my world. A miracle, at least to me. When I was at my lowest weight,  it was like being behind a thick perspex screen: I could see people mouthing and pointing, but they were a long, long way off.  No amount of ... Read More

Image: Binge eating. Alaina Abplanalp Photography/Flickr. We read a lot about eating disorders in the news and in the glossies.  But what’s often striking are the kinds of disorders that are highlighted.  Anorexia.  To a lesser extent, bulimia. And er – that’s it. But they don’t stop there – far from it.  As well as those who have some symptoms of these disorders but not enough to qualify for an official diagnosis, there are many new kinds emerging: night-eating for example, an ongoing and persistent pattern ... Read More

Thanks  to everyone who’s shared their wisdom and experiences on eating disorders.  We’re  running the training evenings tomorrow and Thursday evening and I’m feeling a bit nervous. I guess it’s one thing telling your own story, but another to suggest ways of helping other people. If you have any spare prayers, I would really appreciate them. The more I speak with other sufferers and reflect on my own experiences, the more convinced I become that true recovery relies upon Christ. Yes, it’s possible to overcome ... Read More

I’m writing a training evening for church leaders on ‘Eating Disorders’. And I’m not quite sure what to say. Here’s what I think people (including me!) want to hear.  A short explanation of what eating disorders are and who they impact.  A description of the warning signs.  The names of specialists who’ll deal with the messy bits. A list of practical suggestions on how to support those affected. The problem – and then the solution. I’ve got these things in my notes. That’s what people ... Read More

It’s tempting to assume that churches are full of people who’ve got it together.  The Sunday morning freshly-scrubbed faces and starchy smiles that disguise altogether murkier and choppier depths.  The argument  that’s tidied away along with the breakfast dishes – or at least until the final hymn. Everyone else is fine.  You’re the only one with any issues. Of course, this is a nonsense idea.  Church is for those who recognise their need of a Saviour – not those who can manage on their own. But if ... Read More

source: kirby musuem We become what we worship. And we’re all worshippers. So if I worship a block of wood, then I’ll become unyielding and dumb. And if I worship food – I’ll always be hungry. It’s creation turned upside-down: instead of us imaging God, we make him in our likeness. We distort his gifts and  look to them to provide us with meaning, identity, purpose and life. The shape of each person’s idolatry looks different – but the same dynamics are at work. There’s always hunger – and ... Read More

Are diets really a modern phenomenon? Or just an age-old expression of our need to worship -whether at the supermarket or the mirror? In her book, ‘Calories and Corsets’ Louise Foxcroft argues that ‘contemporary’ diets such as Atkins, are nothing of the kind.  She gives the example of the Hay diet, which was popular at the start of the early 20thc.  Given a few tweaks, this became the Beverly Hills diet of the 1980s.  Similarly, Atkins has been given a ‘new’ spin as the ‘Dukan’ diet – ... Read More

Life this week’s been a bit chocca.  I’m working to a deadline for the book:  ‘A New Name’ and it should be out in the summer.   I’d really value your prayers as I put the finishing touches to my story.  I hope it will help those affected by eating disorders and point people to Jesus.   In the meantime I thought I’d post a couple of quotes from Frederich Beuchner’s memoir, Telling Secrets.  Here he talks about caring for his anorexic daughter and it’s one of the most insightful ... Read More