We’ve been thinking a bit about the good girl/bad girl divide and this is something that Dan Allender explores in a fantastic book called ‘The Wounded Heart’.  The book has been written for survivors of sexual abuse, but has application for all areas of pastoral theology. I think it’s brilliant.Allender argues that survivors tend to fall into three types – ‘good girl, party girl and tough girl’, each with different strategies for managing pain. The good girl is kind and gentle, very giving, but ... Read More

M makes a great comment about “good girls” and “wild girls”: ‘Both bring struggles with them- the good one must be good all the time or else she is a failure; the wild child feels like she’s stuffed it up anyway so may as well continue, no matter how self destructive.’This may remind you of the  story Jesus tells about the Prodigal Son, in Luke 15:11-32. In it we meet a  man with two sons.  The younger demands his share of his inheritance while his father is still living, and goes off ... Read More

I know, I know.  You’re not supposed to speak when you’re angry.  And I’m guessing that applies to blogging as well.  But I confess I am, so bear with me. What IS IT with us women hating ourselves? Now, I might be out on a limb on this, and if so, I apologise.  But over the past few days I’ve talked and met with some incredible, beautiful, talented, strong and wise women, women who are wonderful mothers, daughters, friends, sisters and people.  But despite being from different backgrounds and walks of life, ... Read More

Good News for Messed-up People I’m hoping that this site will be a forum for discussion on all kinds of issues connected to identity and faith.  This will include eating disorders – but hopefully, the application will be for all believers seeking to make sense of the world.  Our behaviours may be different, but our hearts are the same  – and so is our Saviour. My Real Problem – Sin My biggest problem is not my eating disorder, my compulsions or my self-harm.  My biggest problem is my sin. That’s much harder to ... Read More

When trying to overcome harmful behaviours, people are taught how not to die.  But in truth, the challenge is learning how to live. Often techniques are given for beating eating disorders or drinking or overspending or whatever.  But the solution is not found in ratcheting up my will power. In fact, that only exacerbates my problems. Aside from anything else, I can’t change. Scripture reminds me that I might tone down my actions, but I can’t change the heart that motivates these desires. And thank God for that.  Because if my ... Read More

Great comments from Missy on how, as a culture, we value self-control, when in fact it can be just as sinful as its opposite. I’ve spoken with different people struggling with eating disorders and those battling bulimia often comment that they wish they were anorexic instead, because of the cultural kudos attached to mastering ourselves, especially our bodies. It’s no coincidence that eating disorders are rife not just outside, but within the church, where passions (especially in women), can be wrongly interpreted as ... Read More

Just got back from a seminar I gave to teenagers.  It was a small number but some wonderful openness and really useful chats afterwards.  Thanks to all who prayed for me! I’ll post up my teaching in bits but here’s part one.  And these are a couple of introductory comments on how complicated these issues can be…. When I was trying to overcome anorexia, my mum would sometimes look at me and ask, ‘what did we do wrong?’  But it’s rare that there’s one big reason – in all likelihood there are lots of different ... Read More

I’ve finally caved in. I am now ‘a blogger.’ I’ve been holding out against this for a long time. My husband’s been nagging me to blog ever since he started 3 years ago. I’ve always called myself a Blog Widow. Not Black Widow. That’d be cool. Blog Widow. That’s up there with ‘Tupperware Party’. Well now it’s my turn to explore the InterWeb, with my own site: A New Name. So what’s that all about? The phrase comes from Revelation, at the very end of the bible. Jesus has a message for all ... Read More