I spent part of last week with a group of beautiful, beautiful girls. Inside and out.  Yet almost without exception, each one was painfully self-conscious and self-critical. If they talked about others the way they described themselves, they’d make the grim reaper look cuddly. Looking at these girls, I wanted to hold up a mirror and yell ‘You’re gorgeous! Why can’t you see it?’ I thought wistfully of myself when I was at the same stage.  If the sixteen year-old me was like them, I pondered, I’d have been ... Read More

It’s just one day.  For goodness’ sake: there are another 364 potential not mother’s celebrations, right? Okay, that’s not helping. So, how to get through this one? Is it possible to wring a genuine sense of peace from a heart that’s currently sucking on a lemon?.. Seems to me I’ve got a few options: 1. Despair (Very appealing): I’m not pregnant.  That’s terrible.  I’m terrible.  I can’t cope.  I’ve screwed up my life and my biology and everything I touch turns to mulch. ... Read More

Is it just me … or does your family also have a complex system of unwritten rules that everyone obeys, even if no-one says them aloud?  Rules about who you are and where you fit and what is and isn’t acceptable and how things are or aren’t done. In our house for example, we work as a team.  Nothing, but nothing happens, without a family summit.  Lost your socks?  Let’s huddle.  Got a rash? Let ME Take a look. Jar to open?  I CAN DO IT! Here’s another: no-one ever addresses issues directly.  If there’s a problem, we go around ... Read More

I’m realising just how scared I am of relationships.  Of other people coming into my space, both physical and emotional.  Leaving footprints on the carpet and making mess and looking in the drawers and exposing me. It’s not a simple thing.  Bigger than the fear is the desire to invite other people in. It’s a bit like when I started eating again.  I was so hungry, I just couldn’t stop.  (Binging is still an issue, especially when stressed…but that’s another post). In the same way, after years of hiding ... Read More

Forget the pumpkins and Halloween Haribo.  Today in 1517, Martin Luther, wrote an (offline) post that changed the world. One of his most accessible works came 14 years later: Luther’s Galatians commentary.  It’s a total beaut – chock-ful of  gospel wisdom for those struggling with suffering and sin.   So,  in honour of Reformation day, here’s a few nuggets from Pastor Luther to steady our souls.. “.. We are not to look upon our sins as insignificant trifles. On the other hand, we are not to regard them as ... Read More

What is it that makes us return again and again to behaviours that we know harm ourselves and other people? Why do we refuse help and choose the same old slaveries, even when they stop working? Perhaps  we are as scared of our capacity for good, as we are of our potential to be bad. Of not just letting other people down, but of the ways in which we could bless them and lift them up.  We’re frightened to hope, just as much as we shrink from despair. Despair is  a  door slamming and the echo of footsteps down a long corridor. It offers ... Read More

The NHS issues about 40 million prescriptions a year to deal with depression.  That’s twice the number prescribed a decade ago. Recently I cornered a GP on this issue. I asked him if he felt that doctors generally were over-prescribing antidepressants. Without  blinking, he said yes. But he went on to say he had no choice. You see there’s 2 kinds of depression – one that you’re sort of born with (endogenous) and the other that is triggered by outside events (reactive).  Most of the cases he sees are reactive – ... Read More

From a talk I gave at the weekend on Psalm 42.. I wonder if we spend far too much of our lives LISTENING to ourselves, when we should be talking to ourselves instead.  I used to tell my granny that she was bonkers for talking to herself.  But actually, she had the right idea. In the bible, talking to yourself isn’t the first sign of madness – it’s actually the path to sanity. Let me give you an example.  I bump into an old friend in the street.  She’s got her hands full of shopping and can’t stop to talk.  That’s ... Read More

What constitutes Life and what constitutes Death? There’s always a battle going on between God’s definition and mine.  Wisdom says this: Whoever finds me finds life and receives favour from the LORD. But whoever fails to find me harms himself; all who hate me love death.  (Proverbs 8:35-36) Jesus says He is life – real life.  And failing to find Him is death – real death.  But when I examine my fears and my dreams I find another definition of life and death going on.  I fear the opinion of others because it feels ... Read More

So wrong they’re right.. . Pressing all the buttons in lifts. Especially if there’s a small child who wants to do it first. Also pretending to press the open door button and looking regretful as it closes on someone. (Ok, I haven’t done this, but I really, really want to). The album, ‘Crossroads’. A snapshot: ‘I’m a cowboy, on a steel horse I ride’.   Jon Bon Jovi, you beautiful, beautiful man. Picking scabs. Peeling off sunburn. Dirty Dancing. ‘Nobody puts Baby in the corner’. ... Read More