I wish we got training on how to do people. A little map that steers you through social minefields and tells you things like How To Start A Conversation, When To Let The Matter Drop, Avoiding Conversational Lulls and Not Making That Clicky Noise With Your Tongue. An app that plays soothing music during awkward silences.  That tells you when you’ve got spinach in your teeth or are standing too close. Some people seem to know these things automatically.  I’m guessing they’re the same ones who flushed my head down the toilet at school. ... Read More

When I was a little girl, there was no-one who could touch my dad.  In a confusing and threatening world, he was the still centre.  When he held me in his arms, no-one could hurt me.  Nothing could take me from him. My dad did a great job and I wouldn’t swap him for the world. But one of the hardest parts of growing up was the discovery that my dad was human – he didn’t have all the answers, he got sick and he hurt and he wouldn’t always be there – no matter how much he wanted to. A lot is made of the ... Read More

Do women struggle with success? Don’t lunge at me – yet. I don’t want to foist my insecurities on an entire gender. I’m not implying that all women are the same.  And I don’t mean that we’re not, objectively speaking, successful. Far from it. But. Despite our achievements.  Despite  the affirmations and the reassurances and the checked-off lists – can we accept it ourselves? Do you ever look in the mirror and say, ‘I’m a success?’ Do you ever compare yourself favourably with others? At the end of the day – with the ... Read More

Been reading today about a growing trend for twenty-somethings who are fed up with being set up. Parents and friends can be well meaning, but sometimes their efforts ‘on your behalf’ may leave you wanting to pull out your own eyes and emigrate.  (‘Ooooh – is that the door? Billy-bob – what a surprise! Have you met my single daughter, Mary-ann?  I’ll just pop some Barry White on the stereo and you two can get to know each other…’) I’m exaggerating (slightly).  But  if you’re ... Read More

In yesterday’s post I was reflecting on the ways in which we lie to each other: both upwards (‘hey, everybody! Come see how great I am’) and downwards (‘I’m a woorm, it was nothing, this ole’ thing? I just threw it on’ etcetc). Without wanting to make gender assumptions, in my experience women are more likely to lie ‘down’ and men to lie ‘up’.  (For a great analysis of this, see Kirsten’s comments). But when I consider the typical church environment, I wonder if these ... Read More

Sitting in a cafe earlier, I was ear-wigging on two conversations to my right and left. (Research, I tell you, not nosiness). On my right were three business-men. In their pinstriped glory they exuded testosterone: from the shiny abundance of lego-man hair, to the palpable emissions of Manly Scent.  Man A necked a triple espresso as Man B gesticulated wildly at a pie-chart on his laptop.  Man C tapped notes into his glossy I-phone, punctuating B’s sales pitch with guffaws of derision. In the space of several minutes, the interchange ... Read More

What does a ‘real’ man look like? The guy on the billboard, all pecs and ego? The metrosexual with guyliner and man-bag? A misogynist brute, enslaved to his hormones? Mr Fix-it, good with his hands?  The sports-mad Jock, just one of the lads? Is he the darling of rom-com hero:  sensitive, soulful and close to his mum? Or an all-action hero: hard as nails,  with no time for sentiment or weakness? Each day we’re presented with wildly differing images of masculinity. What we’re rarely shown is anything approaching ... Read More

A few days ago I sat next to a couple I’ve spoken to before.  The gentleman has always been very friendly to me and peppers our conversations with anecdotes and jokes. On this occasion I was working to a deadline, so couldn’t chat.  But as I listened to him berating his wife, I saw an entirely different side of his personality. For almost forty minutes, he ran her down. Criticised her appearance, complained about the coffee she ordered (and brought to him), repeatedly insisted that she was stupid and useless. When she went to get some ... Read More

What does it mean to be a woman? And how about a Christian one at that? An encyclopedic knowledge of traybakes? A scarlet wardrobe? A gentle and quiet spirit? A love of rom-coms? Or something else? Starting last October, one woman began a fascinating experiment to consider just this. Rachel Held Evans, a Christian feminist from Tennessee, decided to follow the Bible’s instructions for women. Well, nothing strange about that – right? But we’re not just talking about general principles.  We’re talking literal ... Read More

When it comes to girls and their weight, most of us consider this a pretty sensitive area. Even parents, (traditionally the custodians of Ego Management) are learning to tiptoe round their teenage daughters. In years gone by, the query ‘does my bum look big in this?’ would have provoked howls of derision and jokes about solar eclipses. Now however, even dads are on best behaviour. ‘Bum – what bum? You’re beautiful honey’. Well – at least on the sitcoms. But I wonder if we’re quite so careful ... Read More