First Things First

By September 16, 2015 Blog

This morning was our women’s bible study group. I woke up with a stinking headache and a fractious baby. It was pouring with rain, Ruby was screaming, the house was a tip and my phone was flashing reminders for a deadline I’m struggling to meet. I felt like climbing back into bed and pulling the curtains.  I felt like I should chip the spilt Weetabix off the floor and get the house into order.  I felt like I needed to work whilst Ruby slept. …Read More

How to Keep Going

By September 7, 2015 Blog

1. It’s not about having faith in yourself or a general sense that things will work out ok. It’s about a concrete faith in the living Lord Jesus and the rock-solid promise that He will finish what He has started. 2. Having this faith does not mean you always feel it. You can love and trust the Lord but still be mired in deep depression. You can cling to His promises and still have doubts. What you feel is NOT …Read More

I Can’t Decide

By July 9, 2015 Blog

Things that make me anxious: Wasps. Small-talk. Admin. Deadlines. Phone-calls from numbers I don’t recognise, (Why are you calling me? Has somebody died?) And DECISION-MAKING. Given that each day is made up of choices, this can be a problem. Big ones (relationships, life choices, money etc).  But small ones too. Blue socks or green? Muesli or Weetabix? Ordering a coffee: Barista: HihowareyoutodaywhatcanIgetyou? E: Oh – hi. Fine, I think. Actually I’m knackered. You? Great.  Er – what did you ask me again? …Read More

Truth for Testing Times

By June 2, 2015 Blog

everyone thinks everyone else knows what they’re doing: they don’t. whatever it is – recovery, grief, housework, rebuilding relationships – you don’t have to do it all in one go. it’s possible you will feel completely different in a very short time. good or bad – you’re not who your parents or the bullies or your exam papers or your ex says. the bad thing you’re terrified of happening probably won’t happen.  Even if it does, you will be okay. you are not …Read More

Rest for the Rabbit-hearts

By April 28, 2015 Blog

I love that Jesus tells us to cast our cares on Him.  The difficult part is letting them go. I’m good at anxiety.  I can’t keep our plants alive – but I can blow the tiniest flicker of worry into a furnace. Big ones, (health, wanting my family to know Jesus, scary letters, bills, The Future) and little ones (did I really say that? must remember to phone X…what’s that smell of burning?) …they gang up and tackle me when I least expect …Read More

Bleeding Love

By January 20, 2015 Blog

The last few weeks have been a whirlwind, a learning curve, a journey and a million other cliches that try – and fail to capture the reality. Nappies, stitches and sleepless nights, I was prepared for.  What I hadn’t anticipated was the heart surgery. The fierce and painful emotion that courses, hot, through every vein. Love, I suppose.  But not like I love my cats or I love books or I love mashed potatoes. Something else – primitive and frightening.  I’d die …Read More

I Thought It Was Just Me

By December 27, 2014 Blog

Thank God for friends who are honest. It’s like gulping down fresh air when you’ve been stuck in a lift. A big jug of iced water when you’re melting in the heat. Or finally letting out your breath when you hadn’t realised you’d been holding it. The overwhelming, exhilarating relief of it.  ‘You too? I thought it was just me.’ And not because your situations are necessarily identical.  Or you’re facing exactly the same struggles.  No, it’s something else. The joy of letting down …Read More

Wobbly Faith

By December 18, 2014 Blog

In yesterday’s post I wrote a letter to shame.  And the responses reflect my own experience – a mixture of “praise God, He has nailed my shame to the Cross” and “Yes, but why don’t I feel it?” I don’t think the two are incompatible; in fact, I think this wobbling, trusting, yearning, frightened hope is often the shape of the Christian life. For one thing, what’s the prayer of all Christians? “I believe Lord, help my unbelief!” (Mark 9:24). Jesus …Read More

Responding to Relapse

By November 12, 2014 Blog

1. Don’t panic.  Relapse is not the same as tumbling back into that pit. This moment – right now – is where you stop sliding and start climbing. 2. Don’t pretend it’s okay.  It’s not. We both know where these patterns lead. We both know that it’s bigger than you.  And we both know there’s a window when you can seek help and make decisions; a window that may close if you leave it much longer. 3. It will never be easier to …Read More

Remembering Joy

By September 15, 2014 Blog

Some days you have to fight for joy.  Here’s some things that help: – the psalms: people crying out to God with the full range of human emotion.  Lost a loved one?  Lonely? Angry with God? Confused?  Despairing?  Full of guilt? Thankful? Overwhelmed?  Whatever you’re experiencing; it’s here.  No edits and no air-brushing; just those who have walked this path before us and are taking it to God. – praying for others. When I bring loved ones before the Lord, it …Read More