When we see someone drowning, our natural instinct is to dive in.  But if we’re not careful, we can end up sinking too. That’s the nature of addiction.  Like a pebble in a pond, it ripples outwards, drawing in, not just the sufferer, but all those in its path. Addicts in particular, exert a certain ‘pull’. It’s agonising to watch – and even harder to help.  But there’s a difference between caring about someone and taking responsibility for them.  You don’t want to drown with them.  Instead, you want to ... Read More

Do you ever feel like you’re a child stuck in a grown-up body? On the outside maturity is happening all too fast, but inwardly you’re still thirteen. With this in mind, I’ve been fascinated by the ways in which our culture analyzes such relationships – but more on that in a sec. Glen’s been away quite a bit recently, and he’s off again this week. I’d love to say I’m cool with this: that I’m confident and independent enough to be able to manage.  But something weird happens to me when I ... Read More

A few days ago I sat next to a couple I’ve spoken to before.  The gentleman has always been very friendly to me and peppers our conversations with anecdotes and jokes. On this occasion I was working to a deadline, so couldn’t chat.  But as I listened to him berating his wife, I saw an entirely different side of his personality. For almost forty minutes, he ran her down. Criticised her appearance, complained about the coffee she ordered (and brought to him), repeatedly insisted that she was stupid and useless. When she went to get some ... Read More

(First of all, sorry if posts are still a bit erratic – I think my computer’s on its way out, but we’ll see what happens..) I’m one of life’s micro-managers.  No question about it.  When Glen and I did the Star Wars personality test, he came out as Princess Leia and I was the Emporer.  Neither of us were happy. This is one of the areas I struggle with most.  I’m controlling full-stop.  But in a marriage it just doesn’t work.  I think I know what’s best for Glen and that he needs me to run ... Read More

A few days ago I was clearing out some cupboards and came across two old photo films.  I’d no idea what was on them, but popped them off to Boots regardless. Glen picked them up on his lunch break and we opened them together at the kitchen table, bathed in the afternoon sun. The first film was taken on our honeymoon.  They show two open-faced, laughing young lovers – tanned, carefree and brimming with hope and expectation. The second film was taken four years later and has only two frames.  They’re photos of me at close to ... Read More

It’s our wedding anniversary today.  And we’re thinking about what we’d say to ourselves on that morning. What we’d want to say to others in the same position.. DON’T DO IT!!!! (I know, hilarious. Sorry.  Though in point of fact, that’s exactly what the taxi driver said to Glen on the way to the church.  ‘She’ll drain the life out of you.  Wait till you’re fifty and get a twenty-year old blonde’. And he hadn’t even met me. A similar thing happened at our reception in Australia.  One of Glen’s friends rocked up to ... Read More

Here’s the second of two talks I gave at the weekend. Yesterday we were thinking a little about the story of Alice.  We left her as a beggar, full of self-hatred and pain and loneliness and fear.  And in a moment we’ll see where her story – and our stories can end. We thought about our own stories and our own struggles – with how we look and feel and who we are.  The ways that other people have hurt us – and the ways we hurt ourselves.  But our biggest problem, isn’t what other people have done to us, even though this can ... Read More

Following on from yesterday’s post, Glen’s written his own ‘how I react to nagging’. It’s like Oprah in the Scrivener household, let me tell you.  FEEL THE LOVE. Here’s what he says; Emma’s posted up 22 reasons she nags.  Twenty two!  She must suppress her urges a lot because that’s not how I experience things.  (Hmmmmm – Ed). But given that she might not be alone in harbouring such urges, and given that men are responsible for birthing and exacerbating many of those urges I thought I’d post ... Read More

1. I want to be in control. Of my circumstances, my fears, my life. I’m not. So to counteract this, it is very important that I ‘manage’ my surroundings and those in my immediate sphere of influence – primarily my husband. I can even tell myself it’s for his own good. This looks and sounds like nagging. 2. I don’t feel safe. So I need (want) you to help me ‘fix’ it. Maybe my mind feels scattered or I’m struggling with feeling overwhelmed by the demands of life. Suddenly it becomes imperative that the house is cleaned ... Read More

What is it that causes us to make the same mistakes, even when we know how they have cost us in the past? They can be more or less significant – from looking at pornography to leaving a half hour message on your old flame’s answerphone, just to let him know just how Over him you are. Some of these are funny. But some of them are unbearably painful. We see it too in families.  Children scarred by their parent’s abuse or addictions often go on to perpetrate the same patterns. So this week I was reading Rachel Trezise’s ... Read More