When we see someone drowning, our natural instinct is to dive in.  But if we’re not careful, we can end up sinking too. That’s the nature of addiction.  Like a pebble in a pond, it ripples outwards, drawing in, not just the sufferer, but all those in its path. Addicts in particular, exert a certain ‘pull’. It’s agonising to watch – and even harder to help.  But there’s a difference between caring about someone and taking responsibility for them.  You don’t want to drown with them.  Instead, you want to ... Read More

Can an addict ever be fully recovered? Are there some slaveries that will never fully recede, no matter how hard you fight them? Can your heart and thinking change as well as your behaviour? Or are you destined to remain  a non-practising version of the same old model? … Most of the literature I’ve read on addiction says this:  they never really go away – you just get better at managing them. For some people this is the rational voice of realism: a reminder that no-one is beyond temptation – especially in a familiar ... Read More

What did you want to be when you grew up? A deep sea diver? A lumberjack or an air hostess? A footballer’s wife? I’ve always had one ambition: to write. I even had a pen name: Emma Swanne, (emphasis on the ‘e’). Friends inked their names on tables and jotters, but I hugged mine close, like a delicious secret. It was a talisman, a promise that one day I would Make It. Authors you see, weren’t like other people. They were mysterious and powerful. Controlled and shiny and polished and clean. Warriors, wielding words and protected by ... Read More

Recovery, at least in my experience, is not like in the movies. No running, arms outstretched, into the sunset. More of an embarrassed  and painful shuffling –  forwards (and sometimes backwards, too).     An event – but also a process. First, the event: a moment, when everything changed and Christ broke into my world. A miracle, at least to me. When I was at my lowest weight,  it was like being behind a thick perspex screen: I could see people mouthing and pointing, but they were a long, long way off.  No amount of ... Read More

Every town has them. The addicts. Drunk or high, often before breakfast.  Not to be harsh, but  - damaged goods.    They’ve made their choices – and now they’re reaping the consequences.  Step aside and leave them to it. Cardboard cut-outs of people, greying and familiar – yet alien too: hardly human. Watch how they act. Sometimes so still – silent and solitary, even in their packs. Bent double, hunched, crumpled and defeated.A blank-eyed, hundred-yard stare. What are they thinking? But get their fix and ... Read More

Thanks  to everyone who’s shared their wisdom and experiences on eating disorders.  We’re  running the training evenings tomorrow and Thursday evening and I’m feeling a bit nervous. I guess it’s one thing telling your own story, but another to suggest ways of helping other people. If you have any spare prayers, I would really appreciate them. The more I speak with other sufferers and reflect on my own experiences, the more convinced I become that true recovery relies upon Christ. Yes, it’s possible to overcome ... Read More

I’m writing a training evening for church leaders on ‘Eating Disorders’. And I’m not quite sure what to say. Here’s what I think people (including me!) want to hear.  A short explanation of what eating disorders are and who they impact.  A description of the warning signs.  The names of specialists who’ll deal with the messy bits. A list of practical suggestions on how to support those affected. The problem – and then the solution. I’ve got these things in my notes. That’s what people ... Read More

It’s tempting to assume that churches are full of people who’ve got it together.  The Sunday morning freshly-scrubbed faces and starchy smiles that disguise altogether murkier and choppier depths.  The argument  that’s tidied away along with the breakfast dishes – or at least until the final hymn. Everyone else is fine.  You’re the only one with any issues. Of course, this is a nonsense idea.  Church is for those who recognise their need of a Saviour – not those who can manage on their own. But if ... Read More

Life this week’s been a bit chocca.  I’m working to a deadline for the book:  ‘A New Name’ and it should be out in the summer.   I’d really value your prayers as I put the finishing touches to my story.  I hope it will help those affected by eating disorders and point people to Jesus.   In the meantime I thought I’d post a couple of quotes from Frederich Beuchner’s memoir, Telling Secrets.  Here he talks about caring for his anorexic daughter and it’s one of the most insightful ... Read More

image: Bob Tiffin: btwiresculptures.co.uk Changed lifestyle                                                      vs                                                 Changed life working harder                                                                                                                     resting better                                                                               ... Read More