But I can’t DO it!

By June 23, 2017 Blog

“Do not worry”, says Jesus in the sermon on the mount (verse reference, Matthew 6:25-34). So we worry, (or at least, I do). We worry to start with, because that’s who we are. And then we read this verse … and worry MORE, because we’re disobeying God. Telling us not to do something only shows us how impossible it is to obey.  Like telling ourselves to “be purple”. No amount of willpower makes it better. So what do we do, when we can’t …Read More

What Lent means to me

By March 2, 2017 Blog

I have mixed feelings about Lent. Part of me wants to throw myself into it with super-human resolve. Part of me fears I’ll do exactly this. I have a long history of eating disorders, depression and perfectionism.  Ask me to fast for 40 days and I’ll do forty-one. Tell me to do 40 press-ups and I’ll do 400. I’m all about a certain kind of ‘self-restraint.’ But it’s nearly killed me. You’ll tell me, rightly, that this is not what …Read More

Start Again

By August 13, 2015 Blog

On bad days, my version of Christian discipleship is not the official one. It’s a ledger with four columns. The first one says, ‘how am I feeling?’ (scored from 1 (atrocious/shouldn’t have been born) to 10 (So good it HURTS) The second one asks, ‘what am I worth?’ (based on answer to no 1) The third one says ‘what did I do to deserve this score?’ And the fourth one says, ‘how can I make it better?’ It might sound complicated, but it’s comes very naturally.  Let …Read More

The Total Nazarene Diet

By July 20, 2015 Blog

Summer’s here!  Your body may be Beach Ready, but is your soul Preach Ready? Scared to strip off at small group?  Sick of comparing yourself to the worship leader? Take Control and Fight the spiritual flab. It’s time to Take Back Your Temple – starting NOW. Try our NEW 40-day plan: You’ve nothing to lose, but your sins! Breakfast: Champions don’t just read their Bibles. They Do #Devotions, (now with 30% more Minor Prophets). Channel your spiritual qi by shouting “Jesus” “Preach it” each time you read …Read More

Yes! No! Maybe

By April 8, 2015 Blog

I’d like the world to be more definite. Clarity on life’s big issues. Black  or white. Right or wrong. Christian or Not Christian. Baptism. Breast feeding. Beards. Boxed Sets. Tell me what to think and I can keep my brain in neutral. YES or NO. Anything but ‘maybe.’ ‘Maybe’ is like boot camp for the brain.  Hard graft, early starts and endless sweaty questions that often take you back where you started. Muddied, messy middle ground. Well, I don’t like mess. I don’t want to have to work …Read More

The Contract Killer

By October 7, 2014 Blog

If you’re anything like me, your instinctive reaction to depression or addiction or difficulty will be to try harder.  In Christian terms, it looks like this: praying longer, studying the Bible more and generally being a “better Christian.” These things are great – but they are not the gospel. The point of Christianity is not ‘keeping up our end of the deal’. The point is a marriage-relationship with Jesus. We haven’t entered a contractual arrangement with Jesus but a covenant of love. He’s a spouse, …Read More

WHY IS EVERYONE SHOUTING

By April 15, 2014 Blog

My mum has recently discovered the joys of email. Unfortunately she’s trigger happy when it comes to punctuation. Everything is written in CAPS and with EXCLAMATION MARKS!!!!!!!! So it feels like she’s shouting and jumping up and down, even when it’s just an update on her jigsaw. Galatians 2:19-21 is the equivalent of mum’s outbox and on days like today, when I’m feeling sub-standard, it hits the spot.  Here’s how Paul puts it, (indented words mine) THROUGH THE LAW I …Read More

I Got You Covered

By February 11, 2014 Blog

Shame is a blush that starts round your neck and spreads to your bones.  It silences you and shrinks you and stamps you like a stain. Shame is about exposure: being naked in front of others and them seeing you in all your ugliness and seeing all the things you want to hide. You want to say ‘it wasn’t me, wait – I didn’t do it’.  But you DID and you’re in the spotlight and everyone saw. So what do you do …Read More

Should Do Better?

By January 28, 2014 Blog

I was going to write a ‘Christian’ bucket list today.  There were lots of good ideas in it: Use the following: ‘I’m sorry’.  ‘I don’t know’. ‘I was wrong’. Be the Real person in your small group. Read the Bible more and pray more. Build a bunker for the rapture. (No biblical warrant but I think it would be fun). I had more.  Some of them were Really Godly. You’d have been impressed, and hopefully, scared. But when I read the list …Read More

Losing My Resolve

By January 2, 2014 Blog

I’ve decided that resolutions are actually evil.  Not just misguided.  Not just a waste of effort.  Positively, pulsatingly bad. I don’t say this lightly.  I LOVE resolving. Everything in me wants to take charge and improve myself.    I grade my days and I grade my life. Lists of stuff I’ve done and stuff I stuffed up.   B-. C+. Must.  Try. Harder. Drink less coffee.  Floss. Be Better. But what does ‘better’ even mean? Better looking? Better feeling? Better compared to …Read More