Walking with the worried

By March 21, 2017 Blog

Over the years I’ve struggled with anxiety. At its worst, it’s paralysing, leaving me unable to think or move or breathe. Simple tasks feel fraught with danger and overwhelming significance.  Little tasks, like chores feel overwhelming. Ask me what’s wrong and I can’t explain. There’s a list of trivialities, but nothing to explain the sense that everything is breaking. So how can I help myself? And how can I (and others like me), be helped? Take me seriously: but not my fears. Anxiety is like a whirlpool …Read More

This Lord

By January 17, 2017 Blog

When life is overwhelming, instead of running to Jesus, I sometimes battle on, alone.   I know what the Bible says…but what I need is busyness.  I’m building a wall against chaos, and every task is another brick. What are you facing at the moment?  What is it that feels “too much?” A stressful job – or no job.  Screaming children – or no children.   Your health.  Your bank balance.  YOU.  Too tired to keep going; too weak to stop. As Christians, if we feel overwhelmed, …Read More

First Things First

By September 16, 2015 Blog

This morning was our women’s bible study group. I woke up with a stinking headache and a fractious baby. It was pouring with rain, Ruby was screaming, the house was a tip and my phone was flashing reminders for a deadline I’m struggling to meet. I felt like climbing back into bed and pulling the curtains.  I felt like I should chip the spilt Weetabix off the floor and get the house into order.  I felt like I needed to work whilst Ruby slept. …Read More

I Can’t Decide

By July 9, 2015 Blog

Things that make me anxious: Wasps. Small-talk. Admin. Deadlines. Phone-calls from numbers I don’t recognise, (Why are you calling me? Has somebody died?) And DECISION-MAKING. Given that each day is made up of choices, this can be a problem. Big ones (relationships, life choices, money etc).  But small ones too. Blue socks or green? Muesli or Weetabix? Ordering a coffee: Barista: HihowareyoutodaywhatcanIgetyou? E: Oh – hi. Fine, I think. Actually I’m knackered. You? Great.  Er – what did you ask me again? …Read More

Rest for the Rabbit-hearts

By April 28, 2015 Blog

I love that Jesus tells us to cast our cares on Him.  The difficult part is letting them go. I’m good at anxiety.  I can’t keep our plants alive – but I can blow the tiniest flicker of worry into a furnace. Big ones, (health, wanting my family to know Jesus, scary letters, bills, The Future) and little ones (did I really say that? must remember to phone X…what’s that smell of burning?) …they gang up and tackle me when I least expect …Read More

The God who Gives

By November 27, 2014 Blog

Hands up out there if you’re a Hoarder. You know what I’m talking about. Hanging onto things (sometimes everythings) a little too long. Buying more of exactly the same stuff (in case the world runs out).  Stockpiling – dvds or nappies or toilet rolls or the stinky cheese from Poundland that always gets snapped up. It’s definitely in me. I’m better than I was, (Exhibit A: mountains of unworn Oxfam clothes, now bagged up and repatriated). But only slightly. Pull open the cupboards and you’ll see …Read More

Blessed are the Flexible

By November 18, 2014 Blog

How do you feel about change? I’m not a fan.  In fact, I hate it. I hate change. But it loves me. I can’t avoid it.  Though believe me, I’ve tried. I tried it with anorexia – trying to stop time.  I tried it with OCD – trying to control my environment. I tried it with academia – sentences like fences, walling me in.  Safety in books. But loneliness too. So I tried it with relationships – the loved ones who swore they’d …Read More

Unexpected Answers

By October 17, 2014 Blog

God’s time-frame is not ours. And sometimes, He answers our prayers, a little later than we expect. When I was nine or ten, I entered a competition that our primary school was running with Belfast zoo. ZOO!  ZooZooZooZooZoo. I LOVE zoos: and Belfast was the BEST. To enter, you had to write a poem about the new baby kangaroos. The winners would then get to visit them with the class, and – get this – give them kangaroo names. I felt sick just thinking about it. So, I …Read More

Scrambled Eggs

By September 2, 2014 Blog

Today has been an Anxious day.  My brain is the consistency of soggy Weetabix and even the littlest things have seemed a bit much. Someone knocked over my coffee and I jumped half a foot. My eggs exploded in the microwave. The washing-line collapsed: and me along with it. None of this matters.  In fact, there’s more here to be thankful for than worried about. (Coffee! Scrambled eggs! Microwaves! Clean washing! BRILLIANT) But – underneath are the things that do matter.  The Real Worries. …Read More

‘No Need To Worry’

By August 27, 2014 Blog

Letter from a friend: Hi Emma.   Sorry I haven’t replied for a while.  In answer to your question; My eating disorder makes me feel strong. I know this isn’t true but I feel like it is.  I know you’re right. I know this takes everything away from me. I know I have to eat and not lose more weight, but it’s much more easy to listen to the lies. I want to trust God but I’m frightened. And when …Read More