So, apparently men are genetically programmed to have affairs. Actually, that’s not quite true. Sexy men, manly men, ‘real’ men – 100 per cent prime beef men, they’re the ones ‘driven’ by testosterone to seek solace in far-flung beds. And cars and hotel rooms and…oh, never mind. But make no mistake, we’re not talking about Travel Lodge.
According to Dr John Gray, author of ‘Men are from Mars’ (or is it Uranus? Moving on..) – powerful men have a higher than average level of testosterone. Naturally, they seek to ‘top these up’ when their reserves become depleted. By y’know, wives and babies and all the other detritus of modern life.
Alpha Man you see, wasn’t meant to be domesticated. He shouldn’t be fettered to an ordinary job or lifestyle or mortage. No sir, Alpha Man belongs in private smoking rooms with whisky and Hemingway and leather toilet seats and razors with seven thousand blades to deal with all that manly stubble.
Alpha Man wears aftershave distilled from Puma glands and has handkerchiefs initialled ‘Berlusconi’ (or ‘Big Dog’ as he’s known among friends). He wrestles bears, owns a yacht and plays football for Man U. If you cut him, he bleeds Tiger. He’s a family guy of course, with a stunning wife and three beautiful kids. She’s all he could have hoped for in a partner. But being Alpha Man, that’s not enough. No, like the Bentleys, Alpha Man likes to buy his women. Only thing is, they depreciate a lot quicker than the cars. Once you’ve taken ’em for a ride, the excitement’s gone. Pass ’em on to your mates by all means, but don’t return their calls.
Birds you see, may look nice, but at the end of the day, they’re just another kind of meat. You want ’em pliant and you want them silent. Once they start tweeting, it’s game over. Isn’t that right, Ryan?
Poor guy, he’s just a victim of his hormones.