Exhibit A: twenty minutes spent stalking the World’s Hugest Moth. Only to discover that I’d triumphantly squashed what turned out to be a large piece of sellotape. Does that warrant a back-to-bed card?
I’m hoping you’re still too befuddled by sleep to spot the fact that this is very definitely an Avoidance Blog. In other words, it has no point except to defer a whole series of unappealing weekday tasks. That and the fact that some mornings you need your mates to sit with you and help you step into the abyss that is the week.
I do find Mondays tricky. My brain is like a computer with too many open programmes. All the things I should do and want to do and need to do and could do come pouring in at once, whereupon I freeze and shut down.
I feel like doing stuff will fix it and fix me. But actually, that ‘to do list’ is more like a rucksack of boulders than a parachute. It’s about justifying my own existence. Controlling what can’t be managed. And relying entirely on my own resources. As a life strategy it’s shoddy and debilitating – I’m hamstrung by expectation before I’ve even begun. I’m also entirely focused on myself – which might be comfy, but is very depressing.
Truth is, in myself, I can’t do anything. I can’t control the shape of the week, the people I meet or what I do. But perhaps despair in my own resources is actually the best way to start the day – provided I don’t stay there. Scripture and prayer are the real parachutes – or rather, they point me to Person who lifts me and carries all the stuff that weighs me down.
Christ has written my name on His palm. He loves me and directs my steps. He’s with me -with us – in the detail of the day. He gently helps us out of bed and lifts our chins when we spend too long staring at our toes. He makes life worth living. Not that to-do list.