January seems to have triggered an existential CRISIS. A whole hoopla-diddley of ‘what’sitallabout-itis’. Except that January’s a month, not an evil assassin. And I can’t really play the blame game with a calendar. Which leaves two stooges – me or God. So who’s the bad guy?
I’m loathe to publicly blame God for anything (although privately and unconsciously, this is something I do all too often).Plus, I have a sneaking suspicion that Jesus is still seated on the throne and upholding the universe. (just checked the NIV and yep, it would appear so). So – if it ain’t January and it ain’t God, what’s broken is me. But hold on there Emma – blanket self-condemnation is waay too easy. It’s a neat way of justifying bad behaviour, grumpiness and general selfishness. And it rarely changes anything. So stop wallowing sister and let’s look this thing in the mouth.
New Year is tricky for lots of people, not just you. Yes, it’s hard not knowing what you’re doing. It’s hard not always feeling great. It’s hard not having a family and seeing people with theirs. But it’s hard being single and it’s hard being a parent and it’s hard getting up to go to work too.
It’s easier to think, ‘I’m a bad person therefore I can’t cope’, than to challenge long-held (and persuasive) thought patterns.
It’s easier to drown or smother or slice or starve bad feelings, than to face them.
It’s easier to have ‘safe’ relationships and a ‘safe’ marriage, than to risk exploring issues that will cause conflict in the areas where we want to feel safe.
It’s easier to completely blame or completely absolve yourself, than to take responsibility.
There may be things in the past you can’t undo – but there are patterns in the present and future that you can change – if you choose to.
It’s easier to think it’s all about me. And that I can change myself.
It’s easier. But it’s not the truth. And perhaps, in the long run, the cost is greater than we dare imagine.