An hour spent trying to avoid your own reflection.
Sixty minutes fielding questions about your Holiday Plans/Boyfriend/Job/Exotic sex life. (I HAVE NONE OF THESE. NOW DROP IT)
A pumping soundtrack. That you don’t recognise because Yes, You are Old. And No, they won’t switch it to Classic FM.
Plus, worst of all…
Enough celebrity magazines to sink an ocean liner (along with your self-esteem).
I know. This is not a normal response.
The hairdresser is just being friendly.
It’s no-one’s fault I look like a plucked chicken in a shower cap.
I’m not being forced to read about Jordan’s toe-lift. And yet… celeb gossip is just so Moreish.
Like too many coffees, gossip mags are not good for my health. They leave me with a bad taste. But it’s not caffeine – it’s the familiar tang of Discontent.
Discontentment about my looks
my home furnishings
my pets and most of all,
my eyelashes. Until Kim Kardashian pointed it out, I’d no idea they were so tiny. How have I been leaving the house? I may as well give up now or invest in a paper bag.
Total nonsense, of course.
But my fickle heart yearns after what The Beautiful Ones have Got. Yes, I know I have Jesus and that’s all that matters. But if only I was a celeb/model, then life would be Really perfect. I’d be happy and complete and I’m sure I’d still pray and stuff too. I’d use my fame for Good. Honest! God’s secret PR weapon.
Right, Lord? Lord..?
It’s pathetic and it’s a lie that I keep buying. Which is why the same wonky heart thrilled when I read about Kylie Bisutti, an actual real-life Victoria’s Secret model.
Hold on – it’s not what you think. Kylie’s actually an ex-lingerie model. Despite winning one of the most prestigious modelling jobs on the planet, she quit her job because she felt it was getting in the way of her faith.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying you can’t be a model and a Christian. Like so much of life, that’s between Him and you. But if I were a Victoria’s Secret model, I suspect I’d be married to Orlando Bloom and floating around on a lilo, not being convicted about my choices.
Nor was it an easy decision for Kylie. After beating some 10,000 women to win the coveted position, she said, ” it was all that I had ever wanted’. But two years later, her thinking changed. “The more I was modelling lingerie – and lingerie isn’t clothing – I just started becoming more uncomfortable with it because of my faith…My body should only be for my husband and it’s a sacred thing.”
Kylie tells of how a young cousin was watching her put on her make-up. Her cousin then said this: “I think I want to stop eating so I can be like you”. Kylie’s response? “That just broke my heart. She looked up to me. I didn’t want her to think she had to do that to be beautiful”.
You won’t read about this in the magazines at the hairdressers. But it’s more stunning than a million pages of pimping, airbrushing, Kardashians and shiny PR. And it’s a wake-up call to me and my (stubby) eyelashes.