Love Is Not Enough

By June 28, 2012 Blog, identity

Little words have the power to build us up or to blow us apart. Yesterday a friend was telling me about how her life was shaped by something her mum told her; ‘I love you, but I don’t like you’. Those words weren’t spoken maliciously or with any intention to harm. But they were verbal grenades – and left a legacy of exhaustion, depression and self-hatred. … So often, this is how I think about Jesus. He loves me, but …Read More

Good Coach, Bad Coach

By June 27, 2012 Blog, identity

Our thoughts are powerful.  They change our behaviours and they change our realities too. For example: I believe myself to be boring or unattractive. When I meet people, I remind myself of this. I imagine that they are judging me: that they think I’m stupid or worthless or ugly. My body language reflects my feelings.  I try to cover myself up.  I don’t make eye-contact.  I mumble. I try to hide and escape. Other people see me hiding and quivering.  They …Read More

The ‘Glamour’ of Starvation

By June 26, 2012 Blog

Anorexia looks like a friend. But it’s a death sentence instead. I should know: as a teenager and then again as an adult, it almost killed me. Death wasn’t my intention, you understand.  I just wanted to be thin. But what started as a choice, became a tyranny.    It stripped me of my looks, my mind, my friends, my family and my life. Glamorous? You must be joking. Here’s a snapshot: I was starving. When I stood up I felt …Read More

Mistakes Were Made

By June 25, 2012 Blog

It takes a long time for me to admit when I’m wrong.  And sadly, wrong is something I’m an expert in. This means I spend a lot of time singing loudly with my fingers in my ears and my eyes closed. On Saturday for example, Glen and I arranged to meet my sister in London. She’d texted me directions, but after a cursory glance, I decided to opt instead for the magical powers of my inner sat-nav. (Yes, the same …Read More

Loving Angels Instead?

By June 24, 2012 Blog

What you hear and what you know can be very different. Earlier today, a very plausible stranger informed me that God was either absent or dead.  This came as something of a shock – but I was just talking to God and He assured me that this was not the case. In the same article, I read about the demise of the church … but (barring a cheese-induced hallucination),  this morning it seemed to be in perfect health. Here’s another ‘fact’: …Read More

Part-Time Wife

By June 22, 2012 Blog

So I’m sitting here with egg on my face. That’s not even a metaphor. Literal (or do I mean physical?) egg, dripping onto the keyboard.  Also, cooking oil in my hair, (it was meant to be olive oil but we ran out – and what with the egg in my eyes it was very nearly soy sauce). Tomorrow you see,  is Glen’s birthday.  So today is Pimp-a-wife.  However, instead of unveiling a beautiful swan, I seem to have liberated my inner …Read More

Stuff “Self-Improvement”

By June 21, 2012 Blog, identity

‘I’m not as bad as I used to be’. That’s my rallying cry: especially when I’m feeling low or caught doing something I’m ashamed of. I’m not perfect – but I must be getting ‘better’ – otherwise, I may as well give up now.  If I’m not improving in some way, then what’s the point? As a Christian I reckon I’m meant to be getting progressively holier – but this isn’t just for religious folks. Whether you’re a church-goer or …Read More

Little Answers to Big Questions

By June 20, 2012 Blog, OCD

Modern life is stressful.  But ‘the good old days’ were just as bad – if not worse.  Back in the day, you’d be too busy hunting down dinner, fighting off invaders/disease or trying to survive childbirth to worry about your Facebook status or whether Sainsburys had run out of olives. Which is not to say we don’t have genuine worries – just that they can get subsumed or mixed up in lesser things, which then take on enormous significance: Marriages …Read More

Religion? No thanks

By June 19, 2012 Blog

If it wasn’t for Jesus, there’s no way I’d believe in God. Well, maybe I’d believe in Him: I might even be scared  of Him, but I certainly wouldn’t trust Him. Here’s why: I think he’d look like me. Emerson puts it like this: ‘The god of the cannibals will be a cannibal.  The god of the crusaders will be a crusader and the god of the merchants a merchant’. When I think about a me-shaped God, it brings me …Read More

Dying to be Free

By June 18, 2012 Blog, identity

Freedom is a little word – with a whole lotta  punch. In theory at least, it sounds and looks good. Who wouldn’t want to be free? Who in their right mind would willingly choose slavery – whether to habits or behaviours or substances or ways of thinking? Well, I did – until God stepped in. I nearly killed myself – but I was convinced it was in my best interests. I starved myself to the point where my hair fell out, …Read More