Fat, eh? That old chestnut. Thought we’d heard the last of him. But no, here’s my old anorexic thinking, whispering her lies and trying to sidle back in.
Well mate, I’m glad you’ve come. For far too many years I’ve listened to your nonsense. So take a seat and shut up – because this time I’m doing the talking.
I’m not surprised you’re looking shifty. Easy to whisper this sort of nonsense and then slip out isn’t it? ‘You’re useless. You’re ugly. You take up too much room. You’re out of control. You’re ‘fat’. Well, let’s see if your arguments hold up, shall we?
First, the ‘fat’ issue. Don’t make me laugh. When I was dying of malnutrition, you said the same thing.
Here’s a thought – women (and men) have wobbly bits so they don’t snap when they bend over. ‘Fat’ gets a terrible press but actually, it’s a good thing. Not just in a ‘hmmm nice to fill out my jeans way’ (though that may be true), but in the often overlooked ‘you’ll die without it’ sense. ‘Fat’ is not a malignant force, any more than food is the enemy. It’s part of being human and it’s just a thing – no more and no less. So you can stop shaking that stick at me, because I’m not scared anymore.
What’s that? Yes, I am bigger. My old clothes don’t fit and it takes some getting used to. But you’re talking like that’s a bad thing. Actually it’s GREAT. Health and fullness and normality. BRING IT ON.
And anyway, tell me this: if I was ‘fat’ – would that be such a terrible thing? Would the world collapse? Does the sun stop rising and setting because my pants are too tight? Is that what you’re threatening me with – dress size? REALLY?
‘Fat’ is not a feeling. You know it and I know it too. So you’d better come up with some better weapons. This was never about body mass, was it? It was about being scared and wanting control and trying to be strong and to make life work.
I don’t know how to make life work. But you don’t know either and you’re not my boss.
Anorexia my friend, you’ve been replaced. Instead of a substitute god who takes all I have and still wants more, the real God has given everything to make me His. He’s far more beautiful than you. And He won’t let me go.
It’s been real.
But now – you can kiss my curvy ass.