watching someone being pooped on by a seagull. Then telling them it’s ‘lucky’.
the word ‘poop’. Also ‘insidious’, (especially if you imagine Brad Pitt saying it in a perfume ad)
blog commenters. Beauties, every one of you.
Kiera Knightly and Jude Law in the same movie. (One film spoiled instead of two and the mother of all pout-offs).
Discovering an advent chocolate that got missed in the rush. (Who cares if it’s hairy)
The existence of Bon Jovi.
the last brussel sprout. (Goodbye my friend, goodbye. You and your farty goodness can bog off for another year)
filthy laughs at inappropriate moments.
completing a crossword. (clue: fill in the gaps with rhubarbrhubarb)
old photos. (Though sometimes you should Burn Them.)
mum trying to maintain her ‘angry’ face.
watching hubby nibble around his sandwich until he’s left with the perfect bite. Eating it when his back is turned. Then saying, ‘needs more sauce’.
cats licking chillis (JOKING I’m JOKING)
peeling off wallpaper/dead skin, squeezing spots/bubblewrap, picking noses/strawberries.
putting straws in your mouth and pretending to be the count from Sesame Street (“one pot-a-to, bruahahaaa”)
thinking you lost your wallet and getting ready to phone the bank and then in a moment of brilliance, finding it down the sofa.
confidently telling someone directions when they ask (and it not being a lie)
small children with bedheads.
outwitting the satnav.
eating what you thought was a parsnip only to discover it’s an extra piece of chicken. (this might be the best).
feeling scared about something and sharing it and then not feeling so scared.
using up the black bananas in something useful like bread (even if no-one eats it and you spend £5 on flour, that’s a million smug points. You are a thrifty, handy domestic goddess and no-one can take that from you)
laughing so hard you do a little stress wee.