Just back from a conference with some wonderful people. It’s been a time of restoration and renewal: it’s reminded me of the joy of fellowship and it has awakened in me a fresh hunger for the Lord. But I almost didn’t make it. And here’s what’s scariest: the thing that blessed me most – was also what almost kept me away. I long to connect with others: to know and be known in return. But I’m just as frightened they’ll …Read More
I love my computer. It tries hard. But between you and me, it has a very tiny mind. Mostly, this is not a problem. We stick to one thing at a time and it chugs along fine. But – attempt something complex, (opening 2 programmes at once) and sure as sausages: it panics, freezes and then shuts down. This is also my brain. Born to uni-task – but no further. For example: In theory, I have a driving license. In …Read More
I own a flat-screen TV and subscribe to Netflix. I watch box sets including 24, Mad Men, Lost, Breaking bad, Modern Family, Spiral, The Wire and House of Cards. I enjoy walks in the countryside, meals out with friends, Sunday newspapers and Radio 4. I’m aware of the six signs of kidney disease, regularly check my breasts for lumps, wear sunscreen and floss mornings and evenings. I eat 5 a day, drink in moderation and try to include wholegrains as …Read More
Through talks and the blog, I have the privilege of hearing different stories. One woman I’m in contact with is struggling with an eating disorder. Wearing layers she looks slim but okay. Yet she finds it almost impossible to eat. To the point where even children’s clothes are now too big. She knows she has a problem. And though terrified of gaining weight, she wants to get help. After months of encouragement, she faced her biggest fear, registered and made an …Read More
On Friday it’s our ten year wedding anniversary. TEN YEARS. For some of you this will seem like forever, to others, a drop in the ocean. For me it’s both. We’re a billion years from the couple that poddled down the aisle: I look back at photos and it’s like a different person.(In part because I was. Thanks to the folks at Wonderbra my chest could have been arrested under the trade descriptions act. My thinking was, by the time …Read More
It’s easier to tell the gospel to others, than tell it to yourself. Stuff you wouldn’t say aloud, let alone to your worst enemy – when you’re tired and struggling, it sneaks in the back door and, if you let it, will bed down and make itself at home in your brain. Example. Why haven’t I got a baby? – God is punishing me. For an eating disorder. For lying and hiding and being rubbish and ruining relationships and not …Read More
Dear Monday Thanks for agreeing to meet with me today. I tried to sleep through you, but you were having none of it. I’ll keep it brief. I know we haven’t hit it off in the past. I’ve said things I shouldn’t have and I’m sorry. But speaking frankly, you’re not a lot of fun to be with. I think we need some time apart. More than a week. Just for once, I’d like to enjoy Sunday without you breathing …Read More
Yesterday I was preparing for children’s church. I always open the materials a bit gingerly in case it’s a.) Letivical cleansing with the under 2’s or b.) requires 700 toilet rolls and a working model of the ark. This week however, I hit gold. It was 1 Kings and the bit where Elijah has a show-down with the prophets of Baal, followed by a meltdown when his blood sugar drops. I have a lot of time for Elijah. I …Read More
Yesterday I was in a little pool of sadness. Everything looked black and flat and squashedup. Today my circumstances are the same, but the colour’s come back. Thank God for community. Thank God for church. Strangers who reach out when they’re in the furnace themselves. Friends who hope for you and pray for you and point you again to Jesus. A community of brokenness, gathered around a Saviour of strength. More than answers, we need each other. Thanks …Read More
You know when you talk about God’s timing and God’s planning and in theory it makes sense? But then the practice of believing it is so much harder? That’s been today. We were scheduled to start IVF after 10 years childless and more than a year of waiting. I’ve been my normal relaxed self, (wired to the moon with nerves and crossing off the days till finally, something starts). Injections or nasal sprays or whatever – anything to start …Read More
