But I almost didn’t make it.
And here’s what’s scariest: the thing that blessed me most – was also what almost kept me away.
I long to connect with others: to know and be known in return. But I’m just as frightened they’ll hate what they see.
My greatest hunger – and my biggest fear. Powerful; but terrifying too.
Driving there, my brain said ‘mistake’. There was still time to turn back and staying home would be so much easier. Think about it:
The venue: several hours away. A new place, with different routines and communal living – things I often find difficult.
The cost: not enormous, but enough to have a few nights away, just the two of us.
A busy schedule: different (fertility-related appointments), which meant we’d have to arrive late and leave early.
Lovely people but most with children and babies – surely a needless reminder of the family we want.
It would make sense not to bother. Put if off till next year, when we’re less busy and more emotionally settled. Surely better to be ‘safe’ if lonely – than risk all for the sake of relationship.
But here’s the truth: it was exactly what I needed.
On arrival, I launched into small-talk, expecting a cheery but superficial answer.
‘Hi! Nice to see you. How you doing?’
‘Honestly? A bit broken. Life’s tough sometimes – y’know? But it’s great to be here and to rest’.
And with these words, my shoulders dropped. I breathed. And I knew I was in exactly the right place.
Community is not a threat. It’s a balm. Instead of putting me under more pressure; I felt it lifting off.
Instead of feeling isolated and depressed; I knew myself to be already part of a family.
Instead of turning inwards, I had my eyes lifted again to the Lord.
Comfort, is sitting alone with a flickering TV. It’s the routines that shrink your world, till it’s only you. Comfort is the mask that’s offers safety, but smothers you instead.
Comfort isolates, blinds and finally betrays.
But community – gathered around a living Saviour – brings life to the full. It’s not comfortable – but it is LIFE.
Don’t settle for less.