yesterday we got to the final stage of round 2 ivf. They collected a load of healthy eggs and as before, we opted to fertilise two (and put em both back if they ‘took’). Embryologist was confident both would fertilise and we’d then go to the two week wait to see if they’d implant.
This morning we got the results.
‘I’m sorry’ they said. ‘One didn’t fertilise and the other is abnormal so we won’t put it back’.
‘Ok’, we said. ‘What do you mean by abnormal?’
It’s got an extra set of chromosomes. Which means it’s a triploid. Which means that although it’s alive and fertilised, it will die either in the womb or just after birth. (The longest a triploid baby has lived (after birth) is 10 months, but the majority miscarry at some stage in pregnancy).
We thought about it. We cried about it. We prayed. We cried again.
The reason they don’t put them back is because they’re gonna die – it’s just a question of when.
If we had a 12 week scan and were told the same thing, we wouldn’t abort.
If we believe that life begins at fertilisation then those cells are life and that’s our child.
We went back to the clinic and explained our position. They called their legal team and HFEA. Called us back. Consulted some others. Called us back again.
To them it’s a crazy decision: and I can see their point.
This is not a value judgement or a statement on what is or isn’t ‘christian’ and I’ll punch anyone who says the issue is clear-cut. Just because we might differ from other folks, doesn’t make us ‘right’ or ‘wrong’.
But for us:
– if that fertilised egg was normal, we’d put it back. And if we had a terminally ill child, we wouldn’t leave it. We explained.
‘Ok’ they said. ‘If the egg survives the weekend, we put it back. But there’s a 100% chance it will die – in the womb or out.’
Today God gave us our heart’s desire: a child. But that child’s really sick. We don’t know if they’ll live days or months. We don’t know if we’ll see them this side of heaven.
We wait. And then we take the next step.
We know that God loves us and He loves this child. But it’s hard – and I’m soft.