I’m an excellent worrier but rubbish with waiting. Even in dreams, when assassins are on my trail, I always stop running. Better dead, than this ridiculous pretense at escape.
I take my stress for a walk. Rearrange some tins, purchase an unripe mango and make huffing noises. None of this helps. Maybe I should use words.
‘BIUHUOHSUHDXJKssssjk talktomorrow jknfkj;fkjndkclksdmckddk,kkk;;;;…!’
Glen rolls his eyes.
‘You’ll be fine’ he says. ‘And you did this last time’.
I fix him with my most reproachful eye. That, I say, was last time. God came through on that coffee morning..but This. THIS is Completely Different. New coffee, new cups, new danger.
He’s tweeting so I rattle my spoons.
‘Glen. Glen! I’m nervous’.
‘What about?’, he snorts, laughing at a stranger’s joke. ‘You know what you’re doing’.
(I don’t know what I’m doing but let this one slide).
‘And anyway, they’re a lovely group of Christians. What’s to be frightened of?’
He’s joking. He must be joking.
‘PEOPLE’. Scarier than Werewolves. Scarier than the ropebridge I refused to go on when I was nine. Groups of more than one person. Or less – if they’re tall or have big hair.
‘How can you be scared of people? They’re GREAT. There’s nothing better than a big group of folks all talking and laughing and -‘
‘Making loud noises. Exactly! Terrifying. What if they all hate you? What if you bore everyone? What if your pants fall down and there’s egg in your hair and your breath smells of cheese?’
‘Don’t be ridiculous. It’s a brilliant opportunity. You can meet lots of new folks and chat and you’ll go away buzzing and -‘
‘needing a darkened room and a lie down.’
‘It’ll give you energy’
‘It’ll make me tired’
‘You love people’
‘I love silence’.
This is how it always goes.
I do the talks. The people are lovely and my pants stay put. God gives me exactly what I need – as He always does. I’m a little tired – but in a good way. I’m encouraged and thankful and more blessed than anyone who’s had to listen.
In the car on the way back, Glen says, ‘See. Not so bad. Now, promise you’ll remember this next time’
I thump him and laugh. ‘Your problem is – you worry too much’.