Anger ‘overcame’ me. Anxiety ‘attacked’ me. Guilt ‘ate me up’.
Fear ‘paralysed’ me with its scary laser gun.
The trick with feelings, is to squash them before they squash you. Sit on them or poke them in the eye. Stuff them in a drawer and ignore the rattles.
But whatever you do, don’t give them room.
Swallow them and call it nausea. Sit on them and blame your haemorrhoids. Intellectualise them (and and take a pill for your headache).
Deny them and rename them and transfer them and do everything to them except feel them. Because even though squashing them is making you sick – feeling them is worse.
But if you don’t feel them, here’s what happens:
They don’t just go away.
They leak out – in addictions and obsessions and little routines.
They bleed in to each other – so you can’t tell them apart.
And sometimes, if you suppress them for long enough, they stop trying to speak. And the silence is worse than the sadness.