There are days when it feels like you’re a hoover: sucking things out, when others put back. You take up too much space, where others are welcome. Your work has no purpose; or the absence of a job title makes you less than everyone else.
There are days when it feels like everything you say marks you out. You speak when you should be silent. You have scars where others are smooth. You tremble at the things others take for granted.
There are days when you’re lonely. You want to call someone: but you can’t. You’re scared. There’s no-one who will listen. Or maybe there are people there. But you can’t reach them. The words are burning in your throat: but they’re not safe. They’ll set the world on fire. You swallow them and they smolder in your stomach. You can’t put them out.
There are days when the past seems more real than the present. You want to leave, but it won’t let go. The people and the places are gone – but they’re still in you. You’re scared you’ll never be free. You can’t face the moment, let alone tomorrow. You don’t know what’s real.
There are days when you’re tired. Bone-tired; dog-tired; tired of breathing and talking and trying. But you don’t know when you’ll rest. You can’t – and you’ve forgotten how.
At these moments, Job’s words speak comfort:
Even now my witness is in heaven;
my advocate is on high.
My intercessor is my friend
as my eyes pour out tears to God;
on behalf of a man he pleads with God
as one pleads for a friend.
Notice the four titles of Jesus:
WITNESS: He sees all that goes on. Nothing is hidden from him. Nothing is wasted. You are not anonymous or invisible to the King of Heaven.
ADVOCATE: You may feel completely out of your depth. You may feel like life is out of your grasp and you cannot stand up for yourself. But you have an advocate in heaven – someone who speaks and acts for you when you can’t do it for yourself.
INTERCESSOR: Maybe you feel like you can’t pray. Even so, Jesus prays for you. He pleads for you, as one pleads for a friend – even when you’re too tired to speak. He is bigger than the past. He fights your case in the present. And He promises a future of freedom.
FRIEND: Perhaps you feel like no-one knows you and no-one likes you. Perhaps you feel pointless and unloveable. Jesus sees you – exactly as you are. He knows you and He loves you and He longs for you to pour out your heart to Him: He gets it; even when the words are stuck. He carries you and He leads to a place of rest.
Whatever your feelings. However bad it seems. Hope is outside of us. And He never disappoints.