The Bible’s open and my brain is shouting ‘do something else.’ It started as a whisper, but the longer I resist, the more urgent it becomes.
‘Emma’, it says. ‘Finish the washing-up. Answer email. Take those bags to the charity shop. Fill out the forms.’
I ignore it, and it starts to huff.
‘Take a break’ it whines. ‘It’s been a busy week and you’ve got time to yourself! Go shopping. Surf the net. Relax. Read a book, (but not that one)’.
The cat snorts from the sofa and I eye my Bible. I know it’s important…but is it useful? Useful like deadlines and folded laundry and ticked boxes? Useful like a swept inbox or floor?
I’m proud of being a ‘yes’ woman. But maybe I say ‘yes’ to the trivial…and ‘no’ to what actually matters.
Yes to my fears and yes to myself. The self that needs to be needed. The self that’s scared of stopping and being still.
In busyness and bustle is my salvation, in checklists and doing is my strength.
That’s the mantra but it doesn’t deliver. I’m busy, but I’m grumpy and tired. And here’s the problem – every yes means a no I hadn’t planned.
‘No’ to time with the Lord and relationships that won’t be boxed. ‘No’ to the Spirit and a prayerful heart. ‘No’ to unplanned encounters and messy conversations. ‘No’ to moments that can’t be zip-locked and stored.
‘No’ to the self that I was made to be. ‘No’ to the woman that God has designed to bless.
In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength. (Isaiah 30:15)
I want to be a ‘yes’ woman. But ‘yes’ to the right things. ‘Yes’ to my limitations, as well as my ambitions. ‘Yes’ to coping, instead of competing. ‘Yes’ to weakness without shame; ‘yes’ to stillness and His strength.
What does a Spirit-filled ‘yes’ look like? I’m still working it out. But I want it – and He wants it for me. So I’m keeping my Bible open. I’m listening…and for this God-given moment, those lists can wait.