Tuesday Tantrums

I’m writing on a rainswept Tuesday. Grey on the outside and grey on the inside too.

The washing spins along with my brain. I need to do a million things. I’m bored and I’m busy; I’m tired and I’m wired.

My heart says: This world is out of control. Where’s God in coronavirus or a tantruming child? What’s most real: bills and greasy dishes; or a kingdom I can’t see?

I need a safe space where I can reset. I need silence so I can think. A holiday, away from it all. A trip to the hairdresser or maybe a walk. A gripping podcast, a glass of wine. A lie-in or a film. An evening with friends.

In God’s grace and in time, these things may come. But right now, on this Tuesday, what do I need?

I open Psalm 77 and expect answers. Instead I’m confronted with questions…

Has God’s promise failed forevermore?
Has God forgotten to be gracious?
Has he in anger shut up His tender mercies?

I’m seeking comfort and earthly security and coming up empty. Here the Psalmist reminds me of what I already have — and it’s beyond valuable: God’s unfailing and infallible promises, his grace and his tender mercies. I’m not promised changed circumstances or a more capable version of myself. Instead of focusing on my capacities (or weaknesses), the Psalmist reminds me of God’s.

I will remember the works of the LORD;
Surely I will remember Your wonders of old.
I will also meditate on all Your work,
And talk of Your deeds, (Ps 77:11-12).

My children demand what they think they need, but I have something so much better. They’re tired; and don’t want to sleep. They’re hungry; and refuse their food.

I look at them and I love them, even as I tell them ‘no.’

Switch off the cartoons. Instead, come spend time with me. When your tears flow and your toys break, don’t look to sweets or a screen. It’s colourful and bright and easy. But I’ll tell you who you really are. I’ll wrap my arms around you and give you exactly what you need.

And when I think to myself, ‘God’s lost His way,’ the Psalmist reminds me;

Your path led through the sea,
your way through the mighty waters,
though your footprints were not seen.
You led your people like a flock (v19-20)

I’m lost and anxious and chasing my tail. But I’ve got a Lord who knows what I need and He’ll lead me—even through the mighty waters. In the end what I really need is not the destination, or even a smooth journey. What I need is what I have — a Good Shepherd.

7 thoughts on “Tuesday Tantrums

  1. Thank you Emma
    Thank you Loving Father
    Thank you Lord Jesus
    I’m awake, sad, cross in pain physical (back&head) & emotional (house move chain broke & lost buyer & planned new house) Trying to pray & give thanks for blessings & this helped so much #psalm77

    “I will remember the deeds of the LORD;
    yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago.
    I will consider all your works
    and meditate on all your mighty deeds.”
    Psalm 77 v11-12

    (Btw Psalm 77 quotes are v11-12 and 19-20)

  2. aww (hello E, it’s been a while <3)

    I feel you!!! — "I need to do a million things. I’m bored and I’m busy; I’m tired and I’m wired." Me. All. The. Time. 🙃

    "My heart says: This world is out of control. Where’s God in coronavirus or a tantruming child? What’s most real: bills and greasy dishes; or a kingdom I can’t see?" — also. Me. All. The. Time (I mean, you'd know. I've mentioned it lots before in the past hahaha, except replace "tantrum child" with "long drawn job hunt", for that past season 🙃)

    still peeping in occasionally (and missing the midnight convos .. or ok at least it was midnight on my end whenever I dropped a note haha) … if you've got the mind space, I could drop a short update on me 😬🤔 (in a pandemic like this, I'm always wondering if people in general would rather keep to themselves due to lack of mindspace to interact with others, or is it more preferable to reach out for the sake of more mutual conversation and less being in our own heads alone-together — and I never know! Haha)

    I don't have anything new or wise to say that you probably didn't already first say to me (hah 😬) — but you'll be okay – its scary, but you're safe :-):-) and … I'm totally rooting for that haircut 💕 (I should get one myself .. if only I wasn't so procrastinatory in making the appt 🤔) love x

  3. Hi Rob; thanks for the verse edits (now updated!) Sorry you’re facing all these challenges; I’m praying you’ll know his encouragement; just as you’ve encouraged me.

    Hi Dee; always lovely to hear from you!

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