There’s a certain kind of tiredness that no amount of sleep can touch. Where does it come from, this weariness? it’s the news – a steady stream of sadness that drips drips drips till you’re leaking soundbites and you can’t tell what matters and what’s just noise it’s polite chit-chat and stabs behind the cup-cakes it’s the magazine articles that tell you to be yourself and what that self should be it’s the queue at the post office and the …Read More
Another stunning guest post, from Lizzie, who is training to be a curate. Thank you, my friend. “How many kids do you have?” Until recently, I’d have thought this was a pretty easy question. Mr 7 and Little Miss 1 have, after all, spent the day bouncing around like lunatics – you’d almost think it was nearly time for the 7 year old to go back to school – very much here, very much present. The truth is, for …Read More
Years ago, I remember praying with Glen. (We have prayed together since then but this one stands out). We were relatively new Christians and and he said something like, ‘Lord if suffering will bring us closer to you, then let your will be done’. ‘What?’ I hissed – ‘Are you asking for suffering?’ ‘Not exactly,’ he began… Elbowing him, I cleared my throat and in my prayer voice (louder), continued, “Sorry Lord, can we stop right there. I would like …Read More
“I hate myself.” “I have no hope. I have no future.” “I’m so ashamed.” “I don’t belong in church.” “Why did He make me like this?” “I have/have had problems with my mental health.” “I feel my weakness.” “I don’t quite fit.” “I believe the gospel but I don’t feel it.” “I’m afraid.” If you feel these things, then know that Jesus is for you. You are not beyond the pale, or outside of the camp. In your weakness …Read More
When you’re in pieces know that God is here – with you – and He is holding them. In fact, there’s a good chance he allowed the breaking. It hurts; but that doesn’t mean it’s wrong. You’re dying to what you were; and maybe what you want to be. But amidst the chaos, something new is forming. Something beautiful, that nothing can break. There’s a kind of breaking that’s demanded of all of us. A scattering; so that we can …Read More
I can’t change or control the world around me. But through Christ, I have a choice about how I respond when things are hard. I can choose to remind myself who I am in Him; or I can choose to try to manage life myself. I live in a broken world and I am broken. Doing the ‘right thing’ doesn’t make the bad things stop. Ordering things on the outside – my body, my house, my diary, my finances – …Read More
– You say that you’re fine; but you know that you’re not – You’ve said ‘I’ll get better’ but you’re just getting worse. – Everything is terrible and it’s all your fault – Acting recklessly or putting yourself in danger – Forgetting to do big things that matter; like washing or eating – Not being able to make sense of anything – Finding basic tasks impossible – Using drugs, alcohol or damaging …Read More
Guest post from Glen… Tuesday night, 11:30pm. After 5 hours at A&E, Emma and I were putting a screaming toddler to bed. The doorbell went. “Who could that be?” asked Emma. Somehow I knew. Clarity pierced through the cloud of tiredness, set-upon-ness, and noble sufferer-ness that I’d been nurturing all evening. Suddenly I realised I was guilty – of a crime that, without the doorbell, I’d have blithely ignored. But with the bell came instant conviction. And rest. You see, …Read More
“Choose happiness.” It’s an easy phrase, isn’t it? Catchy. Scratch it over a sunset and hang it on the wall. A simple decision. Today, I choose to be happy. Bang; and it’s done. This is what I’m told. The reality can be very different. It’s all well and good when you’re well and good…but when you’re not, – well. Positive thinking doesn’t make it any better. Happiness happens to you. It’s there or it’s not. It’s your situation. The home you’ve dreamed …Read More
Dear God It’s the start of a new week. And I don’t know how to do it. I feel scattered; pushed and pulled in many different directions. I take my eyes off you and suddenly, I’m stuck. I’m frightened by the decisions that need to be made; and ones that are out of my hands. by the things I can’t see. And the demands I can’t meet. I’m overwhelmed By lists and by longings. By pain and by pride. It’s dark in here. I build walls to keep myself …Read More
