Adoption: Not Second-Best

By October 31, 2014 Blog

In my last post, I wrote about infertility and IVF, but this is only one of many options. I was reminded of this in a brilliant comment by Ruth, who argues that adoption/fostering is at the heart of what it means to be a Christian; and worth considering before, (or alongside), other treatments. She’s very kindly allowed me to share some of her own experiences; and offers wise advice on how to relate to others in this situation.  Thank you Ruth. She writes: “It …Read More

The F Word

By October 29, 2014 Blog

It’s National Fertility Awareness Week. When you want a baby and can’t have one, it’s like a a hole that threatens to suck you and your partner and the whole world dry. It starts as a tiny tear: you’ve been trying for a while and nothing’s happened. You’re waiting to meet the right person. You’ve met The One, but they want something different. But there’s time.  So you keep praying and put it to the back of your mind. Time passes. …Read More

A New Song

By August 14, 2014 Blog

We’ve got a bit of news. If you follow the blog, you’ll maybe know that Glen and I have been trying for a baby for many years. We’ve been through several modified cycles of IVF (see posts here, here, here, here, here, here, here, and here). It’s been a hard time, but we’ve known the Lord and you (our friends and loved ones) carrying us through, with support and prayers.  Thank you. Earlier this year, we went for the last go. …Read More

Happy Mother’s Day?

By March 28, 2014 Blog

Mother’s Day can be a tough one for many different reasons. … Some of us have mums, but not the mums we wanted. Some have mums we don’t talk to – or who don’t talk to us. Some of us have lost the mums we have: They’re here – but not the way they were.  Or perhaps – they’re not even here. … Some of us want children but don’t have them. Some of us have children, but had to …Read More

The One Thing

By March 21, 2014 Blog

I’m struggling with not having a baby.  Here are some of the ways I’ve been trying to handle it: 1. I’ve told myself it doesn’t matter.  Lots of people don’t have children and they are perfectly happy. I will grow out of this. 2. I’ve tried to find purpose in other things. Maybe if I read a book, a really good book, that will change it. Maybe if I can write a book,  a really good book, that will change …Read More

How To Be Sad

By February 19, 2014 Blog

Glen asked if I was depressed, but I don’t think so. Depression is darker, emptier. I think I’m just sad. I have a very low sad threshold. When I’m watching a film and it looks like the bad thing will happen, I leave or press stop. I’d like this to stop too. But I’m not sure how to turn it off. In the past I’d stop eating. I’d go running or go to bed.  I’d work.  I’d write lists. I’d …Read More

Picking Up The Pieces

By February 17, 2014 Blog

You know those days when your head’s too big for your body? There are too many thoughts open and they won’t shut down in fact, they’re breeding.  There’s a tiny speaker in your ear saying ‘EMERGENCY: EVACUATE’ except wait,  it’s your brain so you can’t get out. Well, that was Saturday. We had a follow-up appointment at the fertility clinic which admittedly, was not a great start. But I kept myself busy, (cleaned the fork drawer, took the stickers off the mandarin oranges, separated the …Read More

You Talkin’ To Me?

By January 19, 2014 Blog

Late for church today (again).  Couple of reasons: 1. sickness as the ivf drugs start leaving my system. 2. general rubbishness (I’m late every week). 3. baby/family squishiness.  4. fear of going Inappropriately Crazy.  (I’M SAD SO I NEED YOU ALL TO STOP SINGING).  I didn’t, (tho I didn’t sing either). And one of these days I’m gonna! Maybe… Thing is, however bad it gets, there’s rarely a time when church isn’t right. And by ‘right’ I don’t mean “horrible …Read More

Wiped

By January 14, 2014 Blog

Woke up this morning and decided that the best way to handle the day was to sleep through it. Unfortunately this is not a great life strategy. So I got up. Wandered downstairs and poured myself a bowlful of muesli and Revelation: That is why they stand in front of God’s throne and serve him day and night in his Temple. And he who sits on the throne will give them shelter. They will never again be hungry or thirsty; …Read More

Caught and Carried

By January 13, 2014 Blog

Today has been a really horrible day.  We’re coming to the end of IVF round three but the drugs seem to have stopped working.  We don’t know why. If there’s no change in the next few days, the cycle will be cancelled. ‘I’m sorry’, says Glen. ‘It still might work.  There are other options and this does not define us’.  I look at him and I’m crying and I say It might not define you but it defines me.  And …Read More