In Defense of Dawkins

By August 21, 2014 Blog

Last night we felt our baby kick. Except that, of course, it’s not a baby. It’s a fetus. A potential  life – which is apparently very different.  For one thing, he (or she) must earn the right to exist.  If that child is flawed  or substandard; if the foot that nudged my husband’s hand is say, deformed  or misshapen, well obviously we have the right to withdraw all protection and care. In fact, it’s our moral duty to do so. Yesterday, a woman tweeted Richard Dawkins with these words, …Read More

Caught and Carried

By January 13, 2014 Blog

Today has been a really horrible day.  We’re coming to the end of IVF round three but the drugs seem to have stopped working.  We don’t know why. If there’s no change in the next few days, the cycle will be cancelled. ‘I’m sorry’, says Glen. ‘It still might work.  There are other options and this does not define us’.  I look at him and I’m crying and I say It might not define you but it defines me.  And …Read More

Help: My Child Has An Eating Disorder

By September 11, 2013 Blog

You suspect your child may have an eating disorder.  What now? First, don’t panic. There’s a difference between picky eating and an eating disorder:  many children have phases where mealtimes are tricky so it might be nothing. (See here for possible signs). Most kids who develop anorexia do so between the ages of 11 and 14 (although it can start as early as age 6), and there are many reasons why. However, go with your guts. If you suspect something is wrong, talk to …Read More

Last Night

By August 27, 2013 Blog

At 8.30 this morning, the hospital phoned. Our embryo died last night. We don’t know how to feel. This has helped. Thank you for your love and prayers.     Share…FacebookTwitterTumblrPinterestGoogle+StumbleUponDiggemail

Not A Dream

By August 26, 2013 Blog

Our embryo has been growing.  Tomorrow, I go into hospital and they put her back. (I say her: it feels wrong to say ‘it’). Last night I had two dreams. In the first one I was at a banquet, surrounded by friends.  I excused myself to go to the loo. But then I started bleeding.  It wouldn’t stop and I couldn’t get the cubicle clean and I couldn’t go back out. In the second dream I was in an old-style …Read More

Baby Hunger

By May 7, 2013 Blog

Glen and I are hoping to start IVF fairly soon.  I say hoping, because it’s been a long, long process and I’m utterly convinced I will do something to stuff it up.  That probably sounds stupid as, at this stage, there’s not much I can do except take the hormones, try not to go (even more) bonkers, pray and wait. But – I have Eating Disorder Guilt, I don’t think I’m an adult let alone a Woman and frankly, after …Read More

Tamarraw, tamarraw..

By March 21, 2013 Blog

Feeling somewhat ambivalent about the weekend. We have an appointment tomorrow with the fertility clinic.  When you hit 35 your chances of conceiving take a hit (and tomorrow is also my 35th birthday). I have decided to tackle this by writing a list of 35 things that are BRILLIANT about being 35. So far: 1. I have not been cut down in my prime. (But that reminds me that My Prime is Past.  And I didn’t know it was happening! …Read More

Losing A Child

By March 6, 2013 Blog

I’ve spent the afternoon with an incredible woman.  A woman who, fighting back tears, can still speak of hope and a faith that has been tested and tested and tested again. Here’s part of her story from the website Under The Rainbow:  a Christian resource for those who have lost a baby, are struggling with infertility or who are in the process of fostering or adoption. She writes: ‘We were fortunate to have two healthy children and we wanted to …Read More

My Child Has An Eating Disorder

By October 21, 2012 Blog

Been reading ‘The Parent’s Guide to Eating Disorders’ by Jane Smith.  Here’s some thoughts, (from her and me): – don’t panic. You’re not on your own: lots of families have been where you are and come through it – don’t blame yourself: for not spotting the signs etc: what matters is where you go to from here –  at this stage, keep talking to your child so they don’t bottle up their feelings. – try not to concentrate all your questions …Read More

Scary Tales

By May 18, 2012 Blog

Glen’s away at the moment, so I’m seeking solace in the arms of another man.  He’s called Mr Hesse and I picked him up in the library. Herman’s not here in person, but he wrote some stonking fairy stories. Proper ones: with giants and goblins and elves and all the rest. I can hardly put ’em down. All of life is here. Unrequited love. Family feuds. Friendships and quarrels.   Anger and malice and grief and greed. The beauty who can’t …Read More