What do you do when you’re married to someone with mental health problems? Chronic depression. Crippling anxiety. OCD. Eating disorders. Dementia. Addiction. You’re knackered. You feel like you’re on your own. You’ve lost sight of who they are – and who you are too. You married a partner, a companion and a helper – but now, you’re a carer. You said you’d raise a family; but you’re parenting alone. Even your friends have stopped calling. You’ve tried explaining. And apologising. …Read More
We voted, Glen and I. We talked about it and we prayed about it. We both did our research and we both sought advice from wise Christian friends. Both of us could justify our decisions and both felt that we knew the right thing to do. But I voted to remain and Glen voted to leave. And we are still together. I don’t think he’s pro-racist, he doesn’t think I’m anti-democratic. He’s not crowing in victory and I’m not …Read More
1. “I don’t think I love them any more.” *Mock gasp* Oh no! You know what this means, don’t you? …It means you should start loving them again. Because the Bible says so. I know it might feel impossible, but God’s speciality is resurrection. Even if it’s from dry bones. Falling out of love is part of marriage. In fact it’s where loving often starts. 2. “Yes but I’ve lost that loving feeling.” You too? Well, now’s a good time to find that love is …Read More
Twelve years ago tomorrow, Glen and I tied the knot. It was a glorious day, filled with laughter and love. The honeymoon was just as I’d dreamed – and after our return, it only got better. The longer we spent in each other’s company, the more we fell in love. It was so effortless; like two pieces slotting into a whole. In Glen’s arms, I found myself and finally blossomed into the woman I’d always longed to be. Living together was a total joy and felt like second …Read More
When Glen and I got married, here’s how it worked. He was looking for someone to tell him what to do, and I was looking for someone to boss around. There were other factors. Attraction, a shared faith and sense of humour, (up to a point). But underneath it all – the romance and the confetti, the dim lighting and the poetry – a little boy afraid of taking control and a little dictator who would die rather than give it up. Sounds extreme, …Read More
We tend to get comfy with the people we love. Like furniture, the longer we have them, the more we relax in their company. Sometimes they get the dregs of us; what remains when you subtract the office/children/grumpy customers/traffic jam/puking dog. Sometimes we take them for granted. And sometimes, we forget who they are – and what they mean to us. So, for today’s blog, I’ve decided to interview my husband. And if he wants to, he gets to interview me back. Quid pro …Read More
Talking with a friend recently about marriage. And the times when it’s tough. ‘I should never have married you!’ tough. ‘I can’t see a way forward’ tough. ‘We need a miracle or I may kill you’ tough. I thank God for my husband and the blessing he is to me. But we’re fallen, which means we both mess it all up – sometimes in spectacular ways. I don’t think we’re alone. So when it gets to this point, what’s to stop us …Read More
Interesting… From The Guardian A letter to My husband, who ‘found God’: You weren’t religious when we met and married 10 years ago. Your Catholic upbringing and strict schooling had understandably put you off. I don’t have a spiritual bone in my body, preferring to believe that people can be kind and help each other, without the church and its many downsides. But then you started secretly reading and thinking, and didn’t talk to me about it. You started going …Read More
There are many reasons why sex might be a problem in your marriage. One or both of you might have depression. You could be on meds that reduce your libido. Perhaps the past is something that still feels present: abuse or assault or relationships which left you scarred. You might have body hang-ups; an eating disorder, a hatred of seeing your own flesh. Or maybe you’re just from very different backgrounds; with different expectations of intimacy. It’s a massive issue …Read More
Eleven years ago tomorrow: The church was full, but I don’t remember any faces. Dad had my arm and I could see you, standing at the front. You were fiddling with your waistcoat (‘grooms wear gold’ said the guy at Moss Bros). You were making a joke, but I could tell you were nervous. I don’t remember what I walked down to the aisle to. I don’t remember signing the register or exchanging the rings. I remember grinning: both of …Read More
