Losing My Resolve

By January 2, 2014 Blog

I’ve decided that resolutions are actually evil.  Not just misguided.  Not just a waste of effort.  Positively, pulsatingly bad. I don’t say this lightly.  I LOVE resolving. Everything in me wants to take charge and improve myself.    I grade my days and I grade my life. Lists of stuff I’ve done and stuff I stuffed up.   B-. C+. Must.  Try. Harder. Drink less coffee.  Floss. Be Better. But what does ‘better’ even mean? Better looking? Better feeling? Better compared to …Read More

GodFather

By July 4, 2013 Blog

We went for a counselling session today, (part of the failed ivf package) and the word I came up with was ‘useless’. Not the counsellor – she was very nice. – Me.  I wasn’t pregnant a month ago and I’m not pregnant now. Nothing terrible has happened. Nothing dramatic has changed.But it’s like the switch marked ‘Emma’ has flicked and I can’t get it back on. Things to do.  But I can’t quite reach. A whisper that crashes like a …Read More

View from the Deck

By June 18, 2013 Blog

I’m sitting on the floor of the kitchen, eyeballing the tiles.  Can’t even remember why I came down here.  Something to do with floor cleaner.  Don’t worry – it’s quite pleasant.  No floor cleaning is happening. But the view is  illuminating. For starters, the bottom of my cupboards are covered in brown stuff. There’s a sock under the fridge. And a spider across the way who looks a bit freaked out.  Hello my hairy friend.  I mean you no harm. …Read More

Forget God, I Got Ironing

By March 31, 2013 Blog

Today is important.  But not for the reason you think. Not because death has been defeated. Not because  Christ has burst forth from the grave and reigns with His Father over all creation. Not because He leads His people into life and freedom.   No.   Let me tell you why today is important: it’s important because we have guests tomorrow and I have to get things ready.   Beds to make. A roast to cook. Washing to dry. A …Read More

I Can Do It Myself

By March 3, 2013 Blog

Agony is watching someone struggle with the lid of a jar I know I can open. Every fibre screams ‘GIVE IT ME.   You’re doing it all wrong’. Doesn’t matter if they’re a weight-lifter or coached by ninjas in the art of unscrewing.  I’ll fix it and I’ll do it myself. This gentle reader, is the clarion call of my life. You get what you earn.  Nothing comes free. if you want a job done properly, do it yourself. I’d …Read More

List For Life

By February 24, 2013 Blog

I don’t mean to, but I always seem to miss the moments. I’m in them (physically at least), but my brain has already raced ahead, to the next task, the next worry, the Next Big Thing. That cup of tea I promised myself after cleaning the kitchen? – it’s empty, but I was so preoccupied, I missed the taste. Reminds me of a children’s book by Arnold Lobel called ‘Frog and Toad Together’.  In it, Lobel takes us through a …Read More

Enough Already

By January 26, 2013 Blog

Get married.  Get pregnant.  Get drunk. Get thin. Get a new job. Get a boyfriend. Get botox. Get a new outfit.   Get a bikini body. Get even. Get rich. Get a car.  Get a life. Get what you want. Get with the programme. Get ripped.  Get laid. Get faster broadband. Get more for your money. Cut your bills.   Cut your losses.  Cut your hours.  Cut your hair. Cut your wrists. Cut yourself a big slice. Cut your carbon footprint. Manage …Read More

Why It’s Better To Receive

By January 16, 2013 Blog

Busy, distracted with serving and permanently stressed,  Martha is a woman after my own heart… 38 Now as they went on their way, Jesus entered a village. And a woman named Martha welcomed him into her house. 39 And she had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet and listened to his teaching. 40 But Martha was distracted with much serving. And she went up to him and said, “Lord, do you not care that my sister has left …Read More

Running On Empty

By August 16, 2012 Blog

I’ve been whizzing around for the last few weeks, Being Busy. Lots of things are going well and I’ve got loads to be thankful for. But I don’t feel right. I’m pooped. And edgy. And kind-of out-of-sorts. I could say it’s because I’ve been travelling. My stomach’s playing up and I’ve been working.   I’ve been back to Belfast and it’s hard to adjust. Summer’s coming to a close and I’m nervous about the future. Those things are there. But …Read More

Stuff “Self-Improvement”

By June 21, 2012 Blog, identity

‘I’m not as bad as I used to be’. That’s my rallying cry: especially when I’m feeling low or caught doing something I’m ashamed of. I’m not perfect – but I must be getting ‘better’ – otherwise, I may as well give up now.  If I’m not improving in some way, then what’s the point? As a Christian I reckon I’m meant to be getting progressively holier – but this isn’t just for religious folks. Whether you’re a church-goer or …Read More