1. Hang the blame in mid-air.
I’m sorry if there was a miscommunication.
2. Pin the blame on the other person’s feelings
I’m sorry you feel this way…
3. Pin the blame on their actions
I’m sorry. But there really wasn’t any other option after you did X…
4. Use a great big BUT.
I’m sorry but… c’mon! What do you expect?!
5. Express so much grief, there’s no room for the feelings of the other person
You can’t know how incredible sorry I am. Believe me, I am going through hell right now just reliving my stupid, selfish, unconscionable sin. I have screwed up and it is eating me alive. I’m not sleeping, I’m not eating, I’m constantly itchy…
6. Keep it general and always use IF
We’re sorry if our services didn’t live up to your expectations.
7. Be sorry for everything (and therefore nothing)
I am so, so, sorry if I did anything to hurt you, I take it all back, whatever it was.
8. Turn your confession into a confessional
You know I had a really distant Father and my constant fear of betrayal makes me push people away before they get a chance to hurt me. My counsellor says I need to go easy on myself but I think really it dates back to…
9. Pretend your motives were pure.
I only had the best of intentions, it’s just unfortunate how things worked out…
10. Apologise to regain control
I’m sorry. There, I said it. Now let’s put this behind us, (right now).